You're My Silver Lining
by WindowsDown22
Summary: One accident changed Kendall Knight's life. Once a pro-hockey player, he now finds himself with an amputated arm and leg, wondering what his life has come to. Logan Mitchell is a man of faith, who after meeting Kendall decides to dedicate his time to helping the man find himself once more. Angst/Slash/Mentions of sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

A young brunette man, with a face full of the utmost compassion, walked along the footpath, watching the people of the community pass him by. He was a people watcher, something that he had always been even as a small child. He watched as a man dressed in jogging attire exited a house a few meters ahead of him. The man stood at the side of the street, stretching. As he looked across the street, he couldn't help but notice a woman leaving her home to come and check the mail in her letter box, sneaking glimpses of the man in his loose singlet and tight shorts, stretching out like a lion ready to pounce. Her lips turned up into a primal smile-something the man failed to notice as he ran off without a second glance back, leaving her with a longing look on her face.

He turned away from the scene before him as he reached his destination. Turning up a small driveway, he was faced by a small yet rather cosy looking house. The outside was beautiful: flowers giving splotches of colour to the grass like blobs of paint on an easel. The hedges were trimmed perfectly, the gardens void of any unwanted weeds. A tiny fountain stood off to the side, the gold statue, which resembled a gnome, beyond beautiful as water poured from the tip of its hat. Even though it was small and not fancy, it was still filled by beauty, like a book had been opened leading into a land of fairy tales.

He rapped his fist against the door once, twice, thrice before waiting. A few moments later, the door opened revealing a female nurse, her lips pressed tightly together in a grim frown. One might think her face was permanently frozen that way, as her cheeks and forehead seemed stiff from no use, but it was only due to the situation at hand. If her heart wasn't overridden by sadness, her smile would truly brighten any place she graced with her presence.

"Is everything all right, Miss Collins?" the man asked, sensing something was wrong.

"Logan, I've told you to call me Julie. Not Miss Collin. And no," Julie paused, her frown deepening, "things aren't looking good, Logan. I am sad to say, it's looking like he will be passing any day now."

Logan frowned, tears pricking at his eyes. He gave a solemn nod, passing by Julie as he entered the home. Inside was much different to the outside, something that was hard to miss. Everything looked so bleak and miserable, the white walls bare of any memories, any shelves that stood up tall filled by only thick books with taunt spines, their pages covered by dust like they hadn't been used in years.

Logan walked through the living room, down the hall way towards a room at the end. He paused outside the door, Julie putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It'll be okay. He's been asking for you all day." Logan turned back to Julie, giving a curt nod before opening the door, walking in upon a sight that always managed to break his heart, no matter how many times he entered that room.

An elderly man was in a bed, wires placed in every nook and cranny of his body. A machine beeped as it monitored his heart rate, and his breathing sounded laborious, every breath a struggle. To breathe should be effortless, yet it sounded as if it took every inch of the old man's being to simply inhale and then exhale.

As Logan closed the door, the old man's head twisted to face him, eyes glowing with delight upon seeing his face.

"Lo…" the elderly man wheezed, inhaling deeply,"…gan."

"How…are…you…ma…boy..?" Even speaking was harder than it should've been.

"I'm very well, thank you, Mr. Young. And you're looking chipper as ever might I add," Logan said, adding the last statement in attempt to raise Mr. Young's spirits.

"Oh don't-" a coughing fit broke out before he went on, "lie to me…young man…I know m-my time is…almost up. So let's not…waste another minute." Mr. Young paused to take a big gulp of air, Logan waiting with a gentle smile.

"Bring that book over here so you can continue reading from where we left off."

Logan was surprised Mr. Young got all that out in one breath, but he moved to sit in the chair next to the dying man, Miss Collins moving aside to give him room.

"All right," Logan began, opening up the book in his hands to the bookmarked page, scanning over what they had previously read.

"Ah yes, so just to recap over what we read last week, the older children have told the Professor about Lucy's story of another world that can be entered through the wardrobe. They thought the professor would pronounce Lucy mentally ill, but they found out otherwise. All right, ahem," Logan cleared his throat before beginning to read the story, _T he Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. _

_ "'Do you really mean, sir,' said Peter, 'that there could be other worlds—all over the place, just round the corner—like that?'" _

'_Nothing is more probable,' said the Professor.'" _

Logan continued reading for the entire hour in which he had come to visit, stopping every now and then to discuss with Mr. Young what they had just read.

When the hour was up, Logan closed the book smiling.

"And I guess we'll continue this when I come for my next visit," Logan said.

"And when…will that…be?"

"In the next few days, Mr. Young. I'll be back soon, I promise," Logan tried his best to sound positive, but in the back of his mind he couldn't help but think that maybe Mr. Young didn't have a few days left.

Logan left after saying goodbye , a grim feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. His thoughts didn't leave Mr. Young and how sickly he looked as he exited the house, bidding adieu to Miss Collins as he went. He moved out the door with plans of heading home when he spotted a woman on her hands and knees in front of the gorgeous garden, a tool of sorts in her hands. As he took a closer look, he realized he recognized thewoman.

"Mrs. Knight?"

The woman looked up, her auburn hair seemingly tousled as she wiped the beads of sweat that had pooled upon her forehead.

"Why, hello, Logan," she greeted him pleasantly, pushing herself up onto her feet, wiping the knees of her jeans clean.

"What are you doing here?" she next asked, a question which he had planned on asking himself.

"Well, I come and visit Mr. Young every few days," he gestured towards the house before continuing, "Just to check up on him and give him some company. He actually loves to read so we normally read for a lot of the time I visit," he finished .

"Oh. T hat 's very nice of you."

"Yes, he doesn't really have anyone else, does he? The only people he has are the nursing staff who look after him, so I thought it might brighten his day to have someone who wants to be there, not someone who is only there because it's their job to be."

"I didn't realize you knew Darious," Mrs. Knight said using Mr. Young's first name, looking perplexed as she did so, her brows furrowed. Logan was only too happy to answer her.

"I don't really. I'm a part of a program called _Nutrition for the Elderly _. We deliver food to the elderly in the community who can't go out and get food for themselves. I started to deliver food to Mr. Young a few months back before he got sick. And when I found out he got sick, I felt the need to be there for him."

Mrs. Knight smiled up at him, a brief flash of compassion crossing over her face.

"That's lovely, Logan. It's nice to do things for people even when they don't ask you to. That's why I'm taking care of Darious' garden. It was his wife's prized possession before she passed, and with his illness he can't look after it anymore. So I do a bit of work on it whenever I can."

Logan had always wondered how this garden stayed in such pristine shape, knowing, of course, all about Mrs. Young. He was about to continue on with conversing, but a loud crash and a yelp that came from the neighboring house interrupted them. He looked over to the house wondering what might've happened, when Mrs. Knight's face turned pale, before she turned and ran towards the house.

Logan wasn't sure what exactly was going on, but he felt the need to follow in case Mrs. Knight needed a hand with whatever had seemingly gone wrong. He followed the woman towards the house, watching her enter but leave the door slightly ajar. He stopped before entering however, for he knew it was impolite to enter a house without being welcomed in first. Something seemed amiss to him though, and he couldn't just wait around and not help. It wasn't in his nature.

So he called out first.

"...Mrs. Knight? Is everything all right?"

When no one answered, he decided he needed to figure out if something was wrong. He opened the door further, stepping in rather warily.

"...Mrs. Knight!" he called out once more.

Still no answer, so he stepped forward more, wandering into the house. He heard voice s as he approached what seemed to be the kitchen, so he naturally followed them. He entered the kitchen finding Mrs. Knight on the ground in front of what appeared to be a young man, most likely around Logan's own age. Blond hair peeked out from behind Mrs. Knight's slender frame, and Logan immediately knew who th e man was.

Logan and Mrs. Knight knew each other as they attended the same church. In the past few weeks, everyone at their church knew the tough changes that Mrs. Knight and her family had been through. Three weeks ago her son Kendall Knight had been in a car accident, in which Kendall's girlfriend Jo Taylor had been killed and Kendall himself had lost his right arm and left leg. Ever since the accident Mrs. Knight had been looking after her son. And ever since Logan had heard of the Knight family's misfortune, Logan had been praying for them.

When Mrs. Knight moved away from Kendall towards the sink, Logan got his first good look at the blond. He was on the floor, clearly having fallen due to the way he was sitting slumped against the cupboards behind him, his wheelchair lying across the room tipped over on its side. Some form of food was all down his front but what pained Logan the most was the way Kendall looked, his face scrunched up in the most saddening of expressions. His eyes were empty, no sign of life within them whatsoever. And Logan's eyes only lingered for a sure moment upon the places where Kendall's arm and leg should be, quickly averting his gaze. Even though no one had noticed his presence, he in no way wanted to seem rude.

"What the hell! Who the fuck are you?! What are you doing in my house?!"

The loud shouting came, Logan looking up to see fury in Kendall's eyes. But Logan would have never expected such an outburst, especially with the use of swear words .

"My name is Logan. I'm a friend of your mothers. I heard the commotion whilst I was outside talking to her and I thought I might come in and see if everything is all ri-"

"Get out!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me! Get _out!_"

"I'm sorry if my presence upset you, I just thought maybe your mother might need-"

"What part of _get the fuck out_ don't you understand?! Just get the hell out of here! You heard me! _Go!_"

Logan had not expected this from a child who belonged to Mrs. Knight-the woman being one of the kindest people he had ever met. But he understood Kendall's attitude, the adjustment to his new living situation would most definitely take its toll. He knew this from personal experience as well.

"Logan, sweetie, why don't you wait out in the living room? I'll be out in a second, all right?" Logan turned to Mrs. Knight before nodding, giving one last look at Kendall before exiting and moving to wait exactly where Mrs. Knight had told him to. He took a seat on the couch, crossing his arms in patience. He could hear yelling and screaming coming from the kitchen.

"Kendall, just calm down honey-"

"Calm down! You let random people into our house just so they stare at me like I'm some sort of freak! This is entirely your fault!"

"Look just let me help you up and we'll get you to your room-"

"I don't need your help! I can do this on my own!"

"Sweetie please, just let me help-"

"Just get out! I don't want to see your face anymore!"

There was more shouting and screeching, before a deafening silence thundered, leaving Logan wondering what had happened. When Mrs. Knight returned, he stood looking at her as she smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry for what just happened. He's just...he's having a hard time adjusting."

"It's all right. I know what it's like," Logan said, realizing that Mrs. Knight didn't exactly know what he meant by this.

"One of my best friends James Diamond, ah, he was on his way to going pro as a gymnast, and then he had an accident on the high beam. He ended up paralyzed from the waist down. He had to go through a lot of intense physical therapy to walk again, but in the time he couldn't walk.. . It was hard for him, and you know being his best friend I was there to help him through it. So I know how difficult all of this can be."

Mrs. Knight nodded sweetly in response.

"Listen, I want you to know that I have been praying for your family ever since you mentioned what happened in church a few weeks ago, and I just want you to know, if there's anything you need me to do, absolutely anything, I'm happy to help , " Logan offered as a kind gesture, to which Mrs. Knight could only pull him into a hug.

"Thank you."

Once released, Logan looked at his watch. "Well, I better be on my way. My shift down at the soup kitchen starts in half an hour, but like I said if there's anything you need..." Logan trailed off. Mrs. Knight nodded, before Logan turned and exited through the front door. As he walked back towards his house, with plans to prepare for his weekly shift, his thoughts relayed over and over upon Kendall Knight.

He remembered how things had been with his friend James, and he could only imagine that Kendall was going through the exact same thing. He just hoped his support system of friends and family were enough to get him through.


	2. Chapter 2

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

Kendall Knight lay in bed watching old re-runs of his former hockey career. He hadn't known at the time, but his mum had recorded every game he had ever played, and he wasn't sure what he felt about it now that he would never again feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he rushed the nets, the puck steady below him.

"Kendall, I have some lunch ready for you." He despised the voice and the woman it belonged to, not because she was horrible in any way, shape or form. In fact, Kendall was sure if they had met under differing circumstances, they would have made good friends. It was because of what she represented. She represented every single thing he wasn't able to do anymore. His mother had hired Camille Roberts-a home caregiver-a few days ago. His mother needed to get back to her workplace, as she was a single mother supporting both him and his younger sister Katie .

The door creaked open, the woman appearing in the doorway. He quickly pulled the blankets with his one good arm up over him, hating that he now felt the need to hide every aspect of his body to anyone within sight. A few weeks back he probably would've been flaunting off the muscle his body had thanks to hockey to the pretty woman in front of him, but now he w ouldn't even let her see as much as a glimpse of skin. It didn't help how self conscious he had become when he saw the blanket float down and hit the mattress instead of falling against where his leg should've been.

Camille entered the room, Kendall choosing to ignore her. She was quite a pretty young lady, curly brown hair, with a beauty mark above her top lip. But Kendall hated her, and his hatred was not going to fade away, no matter how hard she tried. He ignored her as she set the tray of food down on the bedside table, continuing to watch the game at hand.

It took him back into his memories, as he raced down the ice, dodging this way and that, before he got to the goal, readying himself to shoot-

"Hey, what the hell!?" The television had suddenly gone blank, as Camille had decided to turn it off.

"Your mother didn't want you to watch these recordings," she explained. "She thinks it's damaging for you to sit here and mull over the past like this. And I agree with her. Now I've made you a lovely lunch, chicken salad sandwiches and I brought you up a glass of water to wash this food down."

"I don't want it," he spoke with distaste, Camille sighing at how ungrateful Kendall sounded. She knew from all of the other patients she had been with, though, he wasn't being ungrateful. He simply hated that someone else had to do something as simple as make food for him, because he couldn't do it for himself.

"I went to the trouble of making it, so I think you could at least try it," she said smiling and placing the tray of food onto Kendall's lap.

"Look, you can go now."

"I'm sorry?" Camille replied, her eyesbrows furrowed in confusion.

"What, you don't get it? Let me spell it out nice and simple for you. You're fired. I don't need someone to look after me like some sort of child. I can take care of myself," Kendall said, and he knew it was true. He wasn't some invalid who couldn't make his own food. Sure the few times so far he had tried had been a bit of a disaster, but he was getting better at it. He didn't need Camille. He didn't need anyone. Kendall knew he would be fine by himself.

"I'm sorry, but that's not quite how it works. Your mother hired me, so she is the only one who can fire me. And I know this must be hard for you, Kendall, but there are some things that you can't do on your own as of yet. Now when you're ready to go and talk to the prosthesis and the physical therapist to see about your prosthetic leg and arm, then you can be back on your way to being completely capable, but since you refuse to do this , you need some help and you're just going to have to accept this."

Kendall could only roll his eyes at the entirely unnecessary lecture he was being given. Like he gave a damn about what some stupid woman said to him. And to prove his point, he smiled at he r before slowly moving his hand towards the food before him.

Camille thought perhaps he was finally coming around. But before she knew it, that smile had turned into defiant smirk, Kendall grabbing the tray with his one good hand and chucking it across the room with all of his might. Camille looked down at the food all over the floor before turning back to look at Kendall. He was no longer smiling or smirking. His face was just blank of emotion like an empty canvas before he lay down in his bed and turned away from Camille.

She sighed, moving to pick up the food splattered all over the wall and the floor, wishing that Kendall would makes things easier on her, for she couldn't even attempt to help him unless he was ready to help himself.

...

Logan sat at his usual table in The Hard Rock Cafe, waiting on his best friend James to arrive. The two had a weekly scheduled lunch date, where they both took a few hours out of their busy agendas to catch up with one another. Whenever the duo' s lunch date would come around, it would be all Logan could think about, for it was a time where he would have James' full attention.

Logan hated himself for those sorts of thoughts, but it didn't stop them from running through his mind. How he wanted James' attention. How he wanted James to want his. How he wanted James. Sometimes he would make excuses for himself, like how James is gorgeous and what sort of person, whether it was a male or female, wouldn't want him. But they only made him feel better about the situation for a mere minute before he would go back to being disgusted with his feelings.

The truth was...he was in love with his best friend. His male best friend. And Logan wasn't against others being homosexual. Even though he had been taught from the age of twelve that to have homosexual tendencies was wrong, he didn't have anything against those who were of that nature. He took the L ord's words to mean he should love everyone no matter of their sins, for he interpreted this to mean love the sinner hate the sins. But that didn't mean he was okay with himself having these feelings. Especially when it brought his best friend into the mix.

But today things were different. His focus wasn't on James. All of his brain power was being put into thinking about the Knight family. Ever since his visit, he had been trying with all of his might to think of ways to help them. So far there hadn't really been any good ideas, but he was still working on it.

"Hey, man, what's with the thinking face?" Logan looked up to see James had already taken his seat, and he couldn't help but wonder how he hadn't noticed that.

"Ah, just got some things on my mind I guess." And with that his mind was back to the Knights. He just felt so terrible that something so horrible had happened to such good people. He knew Mrs. Knight was delightful person. He hadn't met her kids, but being raised by someone so lovely, how could her kind-heartedness not have rubbed off on them?

"Well, spill then."

"It's nothing... well ...I saw this woman who attends my church the other day, and her son was in a tragic car accident. She talked about it in church. I believe his girlfriend was killed in the crash, and her son lost an arm and leg. I can tell he's having a hard time adjusting, and I can also tell it's taking its toll on Mrs. Knight, and I just wanted to find some way to help the-"

"Wait, did you say Knight? You're not talking about Kendall Knight are you?"

"Yeah, why do you know him?"

"Logan, do you not watch a single sports channel . He's been in the top headlines for the past week, dude. He used to be, like, the best hockey player in the NHL. He won MVP last season, and without him, there was no way the K ings would've won the Stanley Cup."

Logan frowned. He and Mrs. Knight had many a conversations before, and sometimes she would bring either Kendall or her daughter Katie up, but she never mentioned Kendall was some sort of legend in the hockey world. Perhaps she just expected it to be known, but to be honest, Logan wasn't particularly into sports.

"Oh, well, yeah, but anyway, so I was trying to think of ways to help their family. But I'm drawing a blank. I mean, I don't really know Kendall that well, but I feel like if there was maybe a way to make him smile again, it'll not only benefit him but their whole family as well. I mean you didn't see how miserable they all were, especially Kendall-"

"Logan, can I stop you there for a second?" James interrupted him, Logan wondering if perhaps James had come up with idea to help the Knights after their misfortune. "Logan, this is probably best to be kept in the family, if you know what I mean. Kendall probably doesn't need some stranger around him at the moment."

Logan frowned. "But I was there to help you, so I kind of have experience with this sort of thing. And James, he seemed so depressed when I saw him. I can't even imagine what it must be like, you know, and I would feel terrible if I just sat back and did nothing."

"But here's the thing, Logan. When you were helping me, you have no idea how much I hated you at the time."

"But I thought-"

"Just listen, all right. You were trying to push me to get back out there and help myself, and yeah, if you hadn't been there to do that for me, I don't know what would've happened. And I am so grateful now that I had you there, but at the time I hated your guts because you just kept pushing and pushing when all I wanted to do was sit in my room and mope about what had happened. And the thing is that I was able to tolerate it because you were my best friend and I knew you were just trying to help, but Kendall...you just admitted you barely even know him, and I don't think he'll take well to you, even if you are only trying to help him."

Logan hadn't realised that James had hated him at the time. To be honest, they hadn't really ever talked about the tragic time in James' life ever since he had made a miraculous recovery. He had been simply trying to help, and he was a little hurt that James had felt the way he did. But he guessed it made a lot of sense when he thought about it. But he'd only had James' best interest at heart.

"So maybe you should just leave it alone, all right?" Logan bit down on his bottom, before nodding. He would leave it alone, even if it was against his nature to not help someone when they're in need of it.

...

He didn't mean to go against James' wishes, but he went out for a run just after their lunch date, something that he liked to do to keep his fit figure. He didn't mean to take a completely different route than he usually did, and he didn't mean to find himself outside the Knight's house. He just couldn't help himself. He knew they needed help, and he would feel so bad if he didn't at least try.

What he found strange was that there were no cars outside the house. Mrs Knight's car was gone, and he wondered if everything was all right. Maybe they had all gone out, but with how Kendall was the other day this didn't seem likely to him. Now he knew he needed to go inside, because what if something was wrong and he just sat out here and did nothing? He walked up to the front door, shutting out James' voice in the back of his mind as he knocked on the door.

There was no answer, so he tried again. Still no answer. He tried the door handle, and he was surprised to find it unlocked. He opened it slightly, shouting out, "Hello!" There was no answer. He decided to just look around to make sure everything was all right, and if everything was fine then he would leave and never come back. He would listen to James' advice.

He checked the kitchen, then the dining room, before moving down the hall. He was about to check in the bedrooms when he passed the bathroom seeing a leg laying there. He entered to see Kendall sitting up against the tiled room, his wheelchair across the room, once again tipped on its side. But this time it wasn't food down his front. Logan could smell the urine in the air, the stench making him uneasy, the colour yellow in which Kendall sat, staining the white tiles.

"Why are you here?" This time there was no malice in Kendall's voice. He just sounded deeply saddened. Just to look at him brought back memories of his times with James, and what he had to do to make sure the pretty brunette didn't drown in his own sorrows. At one point James had decided to simply give up and Logan hadn't let that happen. And he wasn't going down the same road with Kendall.

He didn't answer Kendall's question, moving over to the shower and turning it on.

"Where's your mother?" Logan asked.

"At work," Kendall voice was so lifeless and dull, that it made Logan glad he had gone against James' suggestion.

"Is someone else here with you?"

"There was some caregiver, whatever you want to call her, but I fired her."

Logan put his hand under the shower, testing the temperature deciding it was fine. He then moved back to Kendall, moving to put his arms under the blond armpits.

"Get off me." Kendall actually swung at him, which he narrowly managed to dodge.

"Hey! I'm trying to help you. Do you expect me to just stand here and let you sit in your own urine? Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but either way you will be getting in that shower and washing yourself off. You got it?"

He remembered having to be the bad guy when it came to James, but he did what he had to to help his friend, and he decided this way of thinking was going to be the same as it was for Kendall to o. Kendall gave him such a defiant look, so Logan knew he had to go for it. He had left the shower open, so he did what he needed to do. He reached down, this time allowing Kendall to hit him. He ignored the shouts and screeches, picking Kendall up and hoisting him over his shoulder. Logan may have been small, but he was very strong for his size. Kendall kept screaming at him, but before the two of them knew it, Logan was placing Kendall down, holding him down against the shower wall.

They were both getting wet; Logan panting slightly as it had been rather difficult getting Kendall into the shower. They stared at each other for a mere moment, before Logan was backing up placing Kendall onto the shower floor.

"Now clean yourself off. Don't let me come back in here to see you sitting there wallowing in self pity."

Logan went to exit the bathroom, but Kendall's words stopped him.

"You don't think I'm allowed to pity myself? My life is ruined."

It set something off inside of him. He didn't know why he said what he said, because in all honesty, he had seen firsthand how damaging something like this could be. He knew how hard it was to come back from something like this, but he had to make Kendall see...

"Your life isn't ruined," he began quietly, his back still facing Kendall. He wasn't even sure if he had said it loud enough for Kendall to even hear him. He knew Kendall had, however, when the blond scoffed.

"How would you know? When's the last time your precious little god let something this bad happen to you?" He didn't know how Kendall knew he was a man of faith-probably from Mrs Knight, but it didn't matter.

"Oh, yeah? How about being ten years old, and being too scared to even close your eyes at night because you know who's out there and what he's going to do to you when your mother finally falls asleep?" He didn't know why he was saying these things, but he was on a roll now, turning haughtily on his heel to face Kendall with tears in his eyes.

"How about hearing footsteps getting louder and louder as they come closer to your door, and knowing what's about to happen, but not being able to do anything about it because you're only ten years old? How about having your step-father put his hand over your mouth before he tells you not to make a sound otherwise he'll kill your mother and make you watch as he slits her throat . You think I haven't had bad things happen to me Kendall? W ell , I have and, look, I'm still here. My life isn't ruined because of it."

Everything had just been blurted out, and he couldn't have stopped himself if he had tried. Tears were streaming down his face, but he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Now, I'm going to go find a bucket and mop to clean this up, and when I come back I don't want to see you still sitting there not having cleaned yourself," Logan turned, wiping the tears off of his face with his sleeve, leaving Kendall sitting their dumbfounded.

When Logan returned, he was glad to see the shower door shut the fog steaming up the entire bathroom. He smiled as he went to cleaning, seeing this as a minor break through.


	3. Chapter 3

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

It was hard to get Kendall out of the shower, for the blond had stripped himself of his clothes to clean himself, and Logan wasn't particularly up for seeing Kendall in his birthday suit. They managed, however, Logan leaving Kendall to change into the spare set of clothes he had brought the green-eyed man, Kendall swearing he could do it on his own.

Logan decided he would sit in the lounge in wait, Kendall having his wheelchair as a means of transport to find him. He knew Kendall would take a long time, and he also knew there was no way he could try and help Kendall. The blond needed to be able to do things on his own so he w ould realise he could still accomplish such easy tasks. Logan was reading a magazine that had been left on the coffee table, when Kendall finally emerged, a weary look in his eyes.

"Why are you here? Because you pity me or something? Because I don't want your pity. If that is the reason, then get out!"

"That's not my reason, Kendall. I don't pity you. I just think you need a new perspective."

"A new perspective," Kendall said rolling his eyes.

"Yes, a new perspective. You lazing around and moping about how your life is 'ruined'," Logan put the word ruined in air quotes for emphasis, "isn't healthy, because the truth is your life is really only just beginning. I mean you don't look beyond the age of twenty-five. You're still young and you have your entire life ahead of you."

"A life where I have trouble fucking changing into a new set of clothes every day. Sounds like a great life," Kendall replied sarcastically.

"It could be if you allow it. It's all about practise. When you were first learning to walk I'm sure you fell over many times but the only thing you could do is get back up and keep trying until you got it right. It's the exact same. No matter how many times you fall, you just have to get up and keep trying. We all have obstacles in our life, Kendall, and how we go about overcoming them makes us who we are."

He thought he had done well, until he mentioned something that he regretted immediately. He should've realised at the time Kendall wouldn't think the same way he did. But the words had left his mouth, and he couldn't take them back.

"Besides, God always has his reasons for what happens. He wouldn't allow something to happen if he didn't think you could handle the challenges that come with it."

The look on Kendall face was murderous.

"What kind of sick fucker has reasons for taking someone's whole life away from them? If God is real and what you're saying is true, God is a fucking bastard. You hear that you, asshole!" Kendall shouted the last part, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.

"Don't curse at the Lord. In fact you shouldn't curse at all. And what I'm trying to say is that God wouldn't have allowed this without belief that this would benefit you in some way. There is always a silver lining no matter how small."

"You're deluded. I mean, listen to you. My arm and leg are gone. I have trouble with the most menial of tasks. I can never leave the house again because all people do is stare at me like I'm some sort of freak. And worst of all, my career is over. Hockey was my life and now I'll never be able to skate again. Where is the silver lining, Logan because I sure as hell don't see it!"

"Stop cursing!"

"Fuck you, and fuck God! Just fuck everything!"

Logan didn't know what to say now. He had been so close, and now it felt like they were back at square one.

"And you know what, you're a filthy liar." Logan's ears perked up at this, wondering what he had done to be accused of this. "There is no way you could believe that God has his reasons for what he does, if you had really gone through what you said you had."

It clicked and Logan realised there was maybe a way of getting through to Kendall after all.

"I'm not a liar and I truly to believe the L ord has his reasons for everything." The moment the words left Logan's mouth, Kendall burst out into laughter.

He gasped between each word his laughter making him red in the face. "You...have...got...to...be...shitting...me!"

"No, I'm not, as you so eloquently put it. God can't help those who have been taken in by the Devil. Everyone is put on the earth with both good and bad in their souls. God tries to lead everyone down the right path, but some can sadly not be helped. As I've always said, love the sinner, hate the sin. And besides, something good did come out of what happened to me. There was in fact a silver lining."

Kendall narrowed his eyes, lips pursed but he didn't say anything as he waited for Logan's explanation. Logan, however, wasn't sure he wanted to talk about this anymore. He hadn't ever really gone over the topic at hand. He had talked to James about it once, but that was it. He hadn't even talked about it with his foster parents, who in his mind were his true parents even since...

He shook his head, not even allowing himself to think about it.

"I'm waiting. What is this so called 'silver lining,' huh?"

"I..." He gulped back all the emotions that had risen to the surface; fear, self-loathing, sadness. "My mother never loved me. She was young when she found out she was pregnant, and coming from a heavily religious family, her parents disowned her after realising she was having a baby out of wedlock. After I was born, she developed post natal depression which didn't exactly help things." It was unbelievably hard to talk about his past-as what felt like-bile rose up in his throat. He only just managed to swallow it down. The knot in his stomach was clenching around his insides like a snake would its victim, making it hard to breathe.

"My dad left when I was too young to even remember him and, well, basically I grew up in a loveless household. I knew what my mum thought of me. She thought that I ruined her life, and although she never said it, I knew that she hated me. I was basically stuck Kendall. I didn't know why she hated me so much, and I always thought it was my fault. I thought I wasn't good enough. The environment I grew up in was poisonous and there was nothing I could do about it."

And now came the hard part.

"And-and then my step-father came into the picture, and things got so bad. The teachers started to notice. I had always been different to my peers, I guess you could say. I was shy and didn't really have many friends, but I had always been a good student. And when my step-father happened, that all changed. I was sleeping through classes, flinching away from anyone who tried to even so much as touch me. I would barely let anyone within a metres radius of me. So one day the principle called me into his office and asked me if something was going on, and I told him everything. My step-father got taken into custody and after I accused him of molesting me my mother gave me up. She said I was a liar and that she didn't want me anymore."

The air was thick with tension, and Logan could only study Kendall's face to see what he was thinking. But his expression was vacant, and Logan wondered what was going through the blo nd's mind at this point in time.

"So I was put into foster care and the parents I had been given were kind and lovely and they treated me the way I deserved to be treated. They gave me unconditional love and they made me feel like I was worthy of that love being given to me. They gave me everything I ever needed, and if I hadn't been put into their care, I'm pretty sure I would've ended up completely dead inside."

That was the end of his story, but he needed to make Kendall see the very valid points he had.

"So if that hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't even know what the word love means. And I am grateful I was taken from the toxicity of where I was living and put into a place that nourished me in every way a child needs."

That was it, and for what felt like hours the two men simply stared at one another, waiting for the other to speak first.

"I'm fine here by myself," Kendall finally said. "You can leave now."

Logan couldn't believe he was simply being dismissed like a teacher might a student. Did Kendall not realise the memories he had just had to relive just so he could help the pig-headed man?

"So what, you're just going to let what happened ruin you?"

"Pretty much, but first I'm going to have a beer. You can see yourself out." With that Kendall was making his way out of the lounge and into the kitchen. Logan stood there not believing Kendall had really done that, until he heard the other rummaging through the fridge. He shook his head, moving into the kitchen himself, absolutely infuriated.

"Do you not care? I thought I put up a pretty convincing argument!" Logan screeched, shutting the fridge door just before Kendall managed to snatch a beer.

"What the hell, dude?"

"Don't curse at me!"

"I didn't-"

"Just be quiet!"

"Getting a bit tetchy aren't we?"

"You're so maddening."

"What on earth do you want from me? I mean, sure, your story was touching, but you see, the thing was, the whole time you were telling me, all I could hear was blah, blah, blah."

"Why did I even bother? It's obvious you don't even care about anyone else but yourself."

"It's not as if I asked you to come here."

"You know what, you're right," Logan sighed. "Next time I won't even bother."

"Fine by me!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And with that Logan turned and walked out of the Knight's household for good, with no intentions of returning.

...

Logan was on his way to dinner with his parents, James having been invited as well. The pretty boy was, and always had been, considered a part of their family. James and his own parents had-what Logan thought-to be a very strange relationship. James loved his parents, and James' parents loved him, son," he heard his father say, looking up from his duty of setting the table for four.

"Oh hey Logie-Bear." The nickname had never embarrassed him, for he was just glad to now have a mother who cared enough to make up a cute nick name such as that one.

"Hi M other, Father ," he said smi ling . He walked ove r, pulling his father into a hug, before moving to his mother and kissing her on the cheek.

"Smells good, M other . I really need this."

"Oh no, what happened?" H is mother knew of his need for her chicken pasta dish whenever he was upset, something she had come to realise over her time as his mother.

"Nothing really, just...this guy..." He frowned, not really knowing what to say after this. He shook his head before feigning a grin. "Really, it's nothing. I'm just glad that we're all catching up. It feels like I haven't seen you guys in ages. Now," he changed to topic of conversation with a clap of his hands. "what can I help you with?"

The dinner went smoothly, James showing up half an hour late, as usual. It wasn't that James was rude or anything. If he were, Logan could never be friends with him, for he found it hard to tolerate such people. But James just ran on his own time. Logan tried to keep the staring to a minimum which he found easier than he usually did, perhaps because a certain blond had taken over his mind. He had never hated anyone, for he believed that hate was a very strong word. And Kendall was no exception to this, but to say he had a mild dislike for the man wouldn't be wrong.

"You've been rather distracted all night," James said, catching Logan's attention.

"Huh?"

"I said you've been distracted, first today at lunch and the n now. What's up with you?"

"It's nothing just...I went against your advice and went to see Kendall Knight, and before you say anything, you were right. I should've stayed away from him."

"What are you two whispering about over there?" His father cut in.

"Logan's just admitting that I'm the smart one for once, isn't that right Logan?" I t was no secret that Logan was rather smart compared to the other man, but for once Logan had to concede to defeat.

"Yes, James is right. I will say this once and only once, but for this one time I perhaps should've listened to James."

The three men at the table laughed, but Logan's mother wasn't so easily taken in.

"Is everything all right, sweetie?"

"Mum, really, everything is fine. You don't have anything to worry about."

Logan could tell his mother was about to question him further but the looming conversation was interrupted by his cell phone ringing.

"Sorry M um ," he apologised, before pulling out his cell phone and flipping it open.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Logan, what's up?" He was confused by the male voice on the other end of the phone, which sounded vaguely familia,r yet he still couldn't quite recognize it.

"Ah, I'm sorry, who is this?"

"It's Kendall Knight." Logan barely had time to let out a disgruntled sigh before Kendall was continuing to talk. "Listen, I need a favour."

"You want a favour. From me? After the way you treated me today?"

"Yeah, my mum said you were a nice guy, so I figured you'd be willing to help out."

"Do you not remember how today ended?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

Logan was completely dumbfounded that this man could honestly expect him to drop everything and grant him a favour after what had happened. Sure, he was a nice guy, but he wasn't a pushover.

"Are you completely serious right now?"

"Yeah, so what I need you to do is come over tomorrow and hang out with me for a few hours." Logan's eyes widened. Hang out with Kendall? He didn't think he could take a few hours of being in Kendall's presence. He figured it might drive him insane.

"So you expect me to drop everything just like that, to come and hang out with you?"

"I'd figured you wouldn't be busy. You seem like you'd be kind of the loser type who had a lot of spare time to fill."

"Okay, that's it, I'm hanging up."

"Logan, wait, I was just kidding. Look, just come over. My mum says I need someone to take care of me, and she was going to hire some other obnoxious nurse to replace the one I fired today. I can't take another one of those women , so I told her I'd invite someone around, and that lucky someone just happens to be you."

"Don't you have any other friends to invite over?"

There was a slight pause before Kendall replied with a meek, "No."

Logan decided not to read into it as he replied, "Sorry, but I have work tomorrow. I can't just drop everything to look after you."

"First off, we're hanging out. I don't need a babysitter, and secondly, when do you finish work? You can come over after that."

"I finish at eleven, but I'm still not coming over. You were-quite frankly-very rude to me today and I'm not in the mood to be doing you any favours."

"Look, what do you want from me? You come into my house, preaching about all this God bullshit and how everything's going to be fine even though it's not, and then you pull some sob story out on me. I mean, what were you expecting? For me to tell you how sorry I was that all that crap happened to you before we had a big sob fest together about how miserable both our lives are?"

"My life isn't miserable," Logan retorted.

"Whatever, just say you'll come over." Logan's jaw clenched.

"Good-bye, Kendall."

"Look come on Loga-" Logan hung up before Kendall could get another word in, before he looked up into the eyes of his mother, father and James.

"What on earth was that about? You look quite flushed dear? Did that person upset you?"

"No, I just..." he trailed off, wondering why he now felt so guilty. He shouldn't be feeling this way considering how badly Kendall had treated him today. So why was the guilt of saying no eating him up inside? " A friend just asked me to do a favour for him is all. Really, it's no biggie."

He looked over to James who was giving him a mixed look of confusion, knowing and disapproval. He only shrugged his shoulders in response, wondering why he was even bothering with Kendall in the first place. He guessed he was a bit of a pushover after all.

...

His shift had finished at the animal shelter where he worked every morning from eight until eleven. Now, he was on his way to meet Kendall at his home. He wasn't sure why he was doing this. It wasn't as if he owed Kendall, but it just wasn't in his nature to say no to people. If someone wanted help, he would usually be happy to give them any assistance they may need, but Kendall just got under skin and it made him feel like it wasn't the best idea to be heading over to his house. Yet there he stood on the Knight's front door step, his hand wrapped up into a fist ready to knock on the oak wood door. He was hesitant to actually go through with this.

Before he managed to actually get up the courage to knock, the door swung open revealing a petite young brunette, who was rather pretty in Logan's eyes. Perhaps if he wasn't so hung up on James he might consider her, but where she had feminine curves he wished for a lean and muscular chest-

_Stop it,_ he cursed inwardly, the woman giving him a strange look.

"Ah, hello?" she said as more of a question than anything else.

"Hi, um, I'm Logan, a-" he paused, not sure what exactly to identify himself as. "Um a friend," he decided, "of Kendall's. I'm here to keep him company, as he so eloquently requested of me."

The girl's head cocked to the side, her lips pursing together in a thin, tight line.

"He's never mentioned you before, and he hasn't let anyone see him other than me and my mum so, what's your game?"

"Excuse me?" Logan asked.

"Come on, are you some sports reporter trying to get a picture? What, you want, the inside scoop? You people make me sick. My brother's been through enough, and the last thing he needs is his picture plastered across the front page of the sports section. Now get out of here, and don't bother coming back!"

The door was slammed in his face, before he could even get a word in edgewise . He couldn't believe it, but then again, at least the youngest Knight was simply trying to protect her brother. But what he truly couldn't believe was that Kendall was really that big a star. Sure, James had talked him up when they had had their lunch date, but for people to actually want to take pictures of Kendall to put in the newspaper-

He let out a sigh before knocking on the door once more, hoping he didn't go out of his way just to get shunted aside without even a chance to explain.

"Look, Katie," he shouted through the door, knowing the girl's name from many talks with her mother. "I really am a friend of Kendall's. Just tell him that Logan Mitchell is here like he asked me to be."

He waited patiently until the door was finally re-opened.

"Sorry, I didn't know-"

"It's fine. So where is Kendall?"

"In his room. I'm going out if y ou're here to look after him-"

"He doesn't need looking after. We're just hanging out," he said rather defensively. He didn't know why he repeated Kendall's exact words, or why he was even being defensive at all. There was really no need, but Katie merely shrugged, moving aside to let Logan slide through.

"Just help him out if he needs it," Katie said in a flat tone before she left, leaving the two alone. Logan sighed before he made his way towards Kendall's room. The door was shut, so Logan opened it, finding Kendall tucked up in bed.

"Hey," Logan said, Kendall quickly moving in a startled fashion before he let out a shaky laugh. Logan wasn't quite sure what was going on, Kendall turning to him rolling his eyes.

"Mum thinks that I shouldn't be able to watch these tapes of me playing hockey." Kendall indicated towards the television which Logan hadn't even noticed was on. He looked from the television to Kendall who had a remote clasped tightly in his hand. He now understood. Kendall put the remote down on the bed before turning back to Logan. "She thinks it's unhealthy to keep reliving the past. She wants me to move on with my future, but what future do I have really?"

"One that doesn't involve hockey," Logan nonchalantly replied, suddenly coming to the realisation that Kendall was opening up to him. This wasn't what he had been expecting in the least.

"Haha, very funny."

"So how did you get my number?"

"I asked M um for it, so she asked around. I don't know who she got it off of, but who cares."

"And why did you want me to come?"

"Because you're better than some fucking nurse who tries to act like they're baby-sitting me. I don't need a fucking baby sitter. But it doesn't matter. Katie's here so you can go."

"She left actually. So you've got me now."

"Great," Kendall said. Logan knew this was a mistake, and he was tempted to get up and leave, but the look on Kendall's face made him stay. His expression was full of such sadness, as his eyes were trained on the television screen. He looked over, never really having understood the game itself, but it was easy enough to see that one player was far beyond the rest, weaving through all the players with the puck in his control.

"Is that you?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, the one and only."

"You know what? I think your mum was right. It probably isn't healthy to be watching this." So Logan stood up, moving over to the T.V and turning it off at the wall.

"Hmmph," Kendall heaved a sigh, but he didn't argue which was surprising in its own right. There were a few moments silence where Logan stood there rather awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"You know, hockey isn't everything. I'm sure there are a lot of other things that you're good at other than Hockey. Maybe you just need to find out exactly what those other things are ."

This was a technique he had used when trying to help James get over the fact he would most likely never have a shot at being a pro gymnast. He had tried to help James find something to replace that hole that had been left in his heart after his accident, and to really felt it had worked. James had found singing was something he was rather good at, and being able to let all his emotions out through singing had really been beneficial for the pretty boy.

"In case you haven't noticed, there's not a lot I can do now that I'm without so me pretty vital limbs," Kendall replied with a roll of his eyes.

"There are plenty of things you can do. For one , do you like to paint? Painting has always been a form of expression, perhaps to you it could let you vent in way that's therapeutic shall we say."

"You expect me to take up painting?" The look Kendall gave him was incredulous.

"Okay, maybe not painting but there has got to be something. Maybe cooking? Yeah, cooking. Maybe we could try and have a nice meal ready for whenever your mother comes home. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

"Yeah, one thing, I have no idea how to cook, and another, that idea really sucks."

"Come on, just give it a go . There's never a moment like the present to try something new, and who knows? Maybe it could be fun." Kendall just stared at him, and for a moment Logan thought his idea was going to be shoved back in his face. But before he knew it, Kendall was actually smiling.

"Okay, let's do it."


	4. Chapter 4

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

"Okay, so what does your family like to eat?" Logan asked, Kendall merely shrugging in return.

"Come on, there has got to be something." Kendall didn't particularly seem concerned, however in giving an answer, the blond looking at his cuticles uninterestedly.

"Fine, I'll look through the fridge then. " Logan spent ten minutes picking out the food he thought to be worth making for a lovely dinner, deciding upon a spaghetti bolognaise dish. There was some defrosted mince in the fridge which he assumed Mrs. Knight had planned on using, so the idea worked out perfectly.

"All right, so I was thinking spaghetti bolognaise. How does that sound?"

"Fine I guess," Kendall said. Logan sighed , realising that albeit the fact Kendall had seemed interested in doing this a few minutes ago, he no longer cared.

"I thought you wanted to help me do this."

"But that's exactly it isn't it? I'll just be helping. It's not as if I can do it on my own."

"Who says you can't? It just takes practise. Look, you can make the pasta, which is easy enough. I won't even help at all. And I'll get started on the mince ."

"Whatever." Kendall didn't seem happy, but at least he was doing as he was asked. Logan, though, couldn't help but keep a close eye on him. Kendall had to boil a pot of water first which could be potentially dangerous. Logan literally had to dig his heels into the floor to stop from helping Kendall fill the pot with boiling water from the kettle. He figured Kendall would ask for help if needed it, the blond not idiotic enough to put himself in harm's way. And to Kendall's credit, he started up the gas element without a hitch, allowing Logan to finally breathe out a sigh of relief.

"You didn't think I could do it, huh?"

" What? No, I thought you could do it. I just didn't want to be wrong and have you spill hot water all down your front."

"Yeah, well, I'm not incapable you know."

"I never said you were."

They cooked mostly in silence, Kendall pulling off the pasta without a glitch, before helping Logan to stir the mince and grate the cheese. The dish ended up being perfect, something which Logan was quite proud of. Kendall didn't seem that fussed, the two eating their share of the dish in silence. It wasn't awkward, but seemingly comfortable, which Logan was glad for.

It was when he was raising the last bite of his meal to his mouth when the door bell rang.

"I'll get it," Logan commented, Kendall ignoring him completely as he shoved his face full of food. Logan had noticed the entire meal that Kendall tended to eat like a pig, pasta sauce currently dripping down his chin as he made the most disgusting noise as he sucked pasta up from his plate. He also couldn't help but notice that no matter how hard the blond tried, his plate would move around the table as he didn't have another hand to steady it as he ate. It didn't seem to bother Kendall that much, so Logan didn't let it bother him either. Logan shook his head before moving to the door, his eyes glancing back every now and then to make sure Kendall was all right.

Once at the door, he pulled it back only to find a short Latino man on the other side, an adorable smile gracing his face making him look like an overgrown child. The smile disappeared, however, the moment he looked up into Logan's face.

"Who are you?"

"Um, I'm Logan Mitchell. Can I help you with something?" The man's forehead creased as he frowned, his eyes which had been shining bright with happiness, dimming slightly.

"Yeah, I'm here to see Kendall."

"Ah, sure, come on in," Logan didn't really think about what he was doing, until Kendall's eyes widened upon seeing the man entering the dining room where they had been eating.

"What the hell did you let him in here for?" Logan was taken aback, and clearly, so was the man, who scoffed, his hands moving to run through his hair nervously.

"He asked to see you. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal-"

"That big of a deal?!" It was clear Kendall was furious, but his demeanour calmed when the man finally spoke.

"What, you don't want to see your best friend? You know, I've been coming by whenever I can and your mum always makes up some bogus excuse as to why I can't see you. I mean, I never thought that Kendall Knight would hide away like a coward."

"I'm not a coward!"

"You're sure as hell acting like one! Now, I'm not leaving because for one, I miss talking to you and two, I smell something delicious, and I want to eat some of whatever it is right now."

There was a moment of silence, which involved an intense stare off between the two, before Kendall was nodding towards the fridge in the kitchen saying, "Help yourself," with somewhat of a smile on his face.

Logan didn't bother mentioning that the leftovers were for Mrs. Knight and Katie. He was too busy wondering who exactly this man was.

The man grabbed the whole bowl the meal was in and began eating straight from it, being a messy eater just as Kendall was.

"Dude, the team sucks without you," the man finally spoke through a mouthful of food. "I mean, Jett's become a total drill sergeant, saying that without you we need to all pick up our game by tenfold, and we lost last week to the-"

"I saw the game, dude. I can't believe you guys lost to the Panthers."

"I know, I mean we we're all so off of our game..."

The rest of the conversation was a blur to Logan, as hockey became the focus between the two. They talked as if Logan didn't exist, eating disgustingly whilst they did so. He found it odd how comfortable this man was around Kendall. After James had had his accident very few of his friends stuck by him. He knew it was because most of them thought seeing James would be uncomfortable, and they wouldn't know what to say. But this man wasn't having any of that. It was like he hadn't noticed Kendall was minus some pretty vital limbs, and it made Logan smile to see how happy Kendall was to have a friend back in his life, acting as if nothing had changed.

Logan mostly listened to the conversation, which helped him to learn a few things along the way. He now knew that the man's name was Carlos Garcia and he had played hockey with Kendall. They had met when Kendall had joined the team, Carlos already being a member and had bonded pretty quickly over their love of the sport.

But what Logan found more interesting than anything was the way Kendall seemed to stare at Carlos. It reminded Logan of something. Of the way he stared at James. At first Logan thought he was just imagining things, but then the topic of Carlos' wife came up. Carlos began talking about Stephanie King, and how she had cooked him a meal just like the one in front of him and how her's had just a little bit more spice in it, just the way he liked it.

"Yeah, well, it's not as if she's an invalid, huh?" Kendall replied, his teeth gritted together in what seemed like anger.

"What, come on dude. It's not as if I meant this was bad or anything. This is still amazing," Carlos replied with a slurp, a piece of spaghetti making its way off the plate as sauce spilled everywhere. Logan grimaced at the mess, being a bit of a neat freak himself. This went unnoticed however, Carlos and Kendall continuing to converse.

"God knows, I miss you though. I mean, sure, you always were an arrogant jerk face, but you were still my best friend."

"I miss you too ," Kendall said in return. "Actually, I miss everything." The silence that followed was deafening, no one knowing exactly what to say. They were all saved from the awkward moment by the door opening, Katie and Mrs Knight walking through. Logan smiled at the two, but he didn't get a smile in return, the two girl's jaws dropping to the floor. Logan's brows furrowed, but understood when Mrs Knight managed to utter, "Carlos, I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Yeah, this dude let me in," Carlos acknowledged Logan for the first time in awhile with a nod of the head. "But, uh, I actually need to get going. I have a practise in an hour and, you know, traffic and stuff. But, uh, it was good catching up with you, man." Carlos went to give Kendall a slap to the shoulder, something that they had clearly done on a regular basis, but everyone noticed when Carlos' hand faltered before he quickly retracted it. The Latino's eyes darted down to where Kendall's arm should've been, his eyes widening further as he clearly had not meant to make his actions so obvious. But the damage was done.

"I-I have to go. You know, stuff to do, people to see." Carlos quickly darted out of the room with a hasty exit, muttering a quick good-bye to everyone else whom he passed. And when Logan turned back to Kendall, he could immediately see all the progress made from Carlos' visit was gone, the blond 's eyes downcast in sorrow. Logan sighe d to himself, wondering how to go about what had just happened without making the situation worse. He came up with a blank, knowing he would now need to go back to drawing board.

...

Logan had left soon after Carlos, and had spent most of his night in his bed, tossing and turning as he could not succumb to a peaceful sleep.

It was a few days later that Logan found himself back at Mr. Young's house, and no matter how much he tried to keep his thoughts on the elderly man, who needed his utmost of attention, his mind kept wandering to Kendall who was next door. Perhaps, this once, he could allow his attention to wander, for the old man was doing rather well for someone terminally ill. Of course, Miss Collins reassured him that this was not a good thing in Mr. Young's case. He was believed to be going through a surge, something in which terminally ill patients would become better, enough so that they could set their affairs in order before they passed on. Mr. Young still was nowhere near one hundred percent. Heck, he wasn't even near fifty percent, but he was better and that was all that mattered to Logan.

"You seem...distracted, my boy."

"I have a lot on my mind, I guess."

"I...can...be...your confidant ...if you wish?"

Logan found his mouth opening without meaning to, words pouring out like vomit would. He went on and on, before he finally finished, his mouth closing as he waited for Mr. Young's response.

"Yes. I remember that Knight boy," Mr. Young waited several moments to continue, taking a few raged deep breaths. "He always caused t-trouble. He was quite a-arrogant to. H-Had to b-bigger ego for his own g-good. But he wasn't all ba-bad. He was on-one heck of a-"

"Hockey player. I know," Logan finished the dying mans sentence.

"No. I-I was going to say...musician."

And just like that, Logan's mind was spinning with ways he could use this new found information to his advantage.

...

Logan spent the rest of his time with Mr. Young chatting about Kendall and his hidden talent. As Mr Young told it, he had noticed one day when he was out with his wife, pruning their gardens.

He had waved good-bye to Mr s. Knight who was on her way out to work on a Saturday morning. He had noticed the youngest daughter with her as well, so at the time he had been expecting some form of trouble from the Knight boy. Whenever the mother wasn't around the kid was up to no good. He had once broken one of the elderly couple windows whilst with his hooligan friends and had lied through his teeth when Mr. Young confronted him, even though the elderly man had seen him in the act. He had tee-peed and thrown eggs at all the neighbour's houses one night as well, but this time had been caught because of his maniacal laughing which M r. Young could hear through the window he had left open to let in a cool breeze during the night. It was because he lacked any father figure, and was acting out accordingly, Mr. Young had decided.

He had been expecting a hurricane of chaos to break out, but when nothing happened he was all but surprised. He figured something would happen sooner or later, but nothing ever did. The only surprising thing that happened that day was when the sweet, melodious sound of guitar strings being plucked in a fine, yet sharp tune could be heard from within the Knights house hold, alongside the voice of an angel.

It became a routine of the old m an's , that every time Mrs. Knight and the youngest daughter were out, he would either sit out on his deck or crack open a window and listen. And he would always hear the soft music, which could never fail to put a smile on his face.

"He may be a b-brat...but he had t-talent."

Days later Logan was still thinking about M r. Young's tale, wondering when he would get a chance to confront Kendall about what he had been hiding. He was out doing his regular weekly shop for food, when he looked up for only a second to catch a glimpse of Mrs. Knight also with a trolley in hand. The auburn haired woman didn't spot him and his friendly smile, so he casually walked over to her, tapping her on the shoulder. This seemed to startle the woman who had been focussed on finding the right bread.

"Oh, Logan," she said, slightly out of breath, her hand over her chest. "You simply startled me." She let out a chuckle her arm returning to her side.

"I apologise. I just thought I would come over and say hello," Mrs. Knight nodded, greeting him in return.

There was a short moment of silence before Mrs. Knight spoke, Logan noticing a slight sparkle in the corner of her eyes. "You know, I have to thank you." Logan wasn't sure why, for he hadn't done anything that deserved thanks. T hat was how he saw it, yet not as Mrs Knight did.

"Kendall was cooped up in his room, only leaving it to eat before he met you. He hadn't allowed any of his friends inside to see him. He has been depressed from the moment he woke up from his accident. Nothing I have done has been working, but now he has improved, even if only slightly. I mean, the fact that he actually allowed Carlos to stay the other day...I mean I-I thought I was seeing things when I came home and Carlos was just sitting there. Sure, Kendall isn't back to his old self, but he's taking baby steps. I-I just..." Trailing off, wiped her eyes on her sleeve, to which of course Logan immediately began to comfort her.

"Mrs. Knight, it will take time for Kendall to recover fully-mentally, emotionally and physically."

"I know, I just miss my baby boy. I mean, he's doing nothing to help himself. He won't even go outside, and if he won't I can't take him to get physical therapy or even to get fitted for prosthetics, which I feel could really help him feel like his old self again..."

Logan figured Mrs. Knight was most likely right. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to help Kendall with his music, help the blond to see that moping around was not good for him, and then hopefully help him to get outside and to some form of therapy which could only benefit him in the end. Pretty simple. Right?

...

Mrs. Knight ended up inviting Logan around for dinner that night to thank him for his help, so he put on his nicest dinner wear, and he drove over to the Knights house that evening. He knocked on the door to have Katie open it for him. She looked as if she simply feigned a smile, before moving aside to let him in. Logan politely said, "Hello," as he walked forward turning around to converse with the teenage girl further, only to find the door had been slammed shut. He wasn't quite sure why Katie seemed to be in a bit of a tiff, but he shrugged it off following the sweet aroma into the kitchen where Mrs. Knight stood slaving over the stove. This time, Mrs. Knight turned around to see Logan before he could surprise her again.

"Hello, Logan. I hope you like Beef Casserole because that's Kendall's favourite, so I decided to make it for him." He heard something like, _l ike I have been every nigh_t added on to the end, but he decided to ignore this.

The two shared some small talk for a few minutes before Logan was asked to see if Kendall would come down from his room. He was all but happy to, making his way down the hall to be outside the blond's door. He knocked first not receiving an answer, so he knocked once more before pushing the door forward. Kendall was lying sprawled out across his bed.

"Whaddayawan," the muffled noise came from Kendall's mouth, his head buried in his pillow as he didn't bother to look up.

"Your mother wants you downstairs for dinner." Kendall turned his head to the side to merely take a glimpse at Logan before returning to smother his face with his pillow.

"What? Are you not hungry or something because your mother has prepared a lovely dinner-"

"Just leave me alone," Kendall bit back, something which Logan hadn't been expecting.

"Didn't you hear me? Your mother had prepared a lovely dinner-"

"I heard you. I just don't care. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Your mother invited me around. I answered your question, now, you answer mine. Why are you in such a crabby mood?"

He hadn't expected to get an answer, so it surprised him when Kendall manoeuvred onto his side as best as he could. He opened his mouth slightly before closing again and opening once more, making him look much like a fish out of water, gasping for air.

"It's none of your fucking business. Now get out!" Kendall's booming voice came so suddenly as she turned to face away from Logan. Logan had had enough of this, so he decided to do as he was told, leaving the blond's room immediately.

Twenty minutes later found him sitting alone with Mrs. Knight, Kendall still not to be heard from since their hostile encounter. During the two conversing, Logan learnt that Katie had been spending a lot of time out with her friends as of late, something that was unusual for the teen. As Mr s. Knight told it, Katie didn't have many friends, preferring to work towards her school grades so she could get into a good college next year. He also found out why Kendall was so unhappy. Apparently Carlos had come back to visit earlier in the day, and everything was fine between the two until Carlos had gotten a phone call from his wife and had to run off in a hurry. Kendall had been moping around ever since.

During the dinner, Mrs. Knight had had a fair amount of wine, almost a bottle and a half now. Logan wasn't much of a drinker, so he had had a glass, but Mrs. Knight was looking quite peachy in the cheeks. H was wondering if it would be rude to put the rest of the bottle back in the cupboard.

"I worry for him, you know. I know things are never going to be the same again, but I don't think he has accepted that yet. I think he still thinks that one day he'll be able to play hockey again," Mrs. Knight was waving her hands around as she talked, flecks of red staining the white table cloth as she still held her glass.

"Well, I've been thinking that maybe there is another say, _ hobb__y _, which he could take up," Logan hinted, wondering if Mrs. Knight knew about Kendall's talent other than hockey. Mr. Young had said he could only hear Kendall when both Mrs. Knight and Katie were out, so he wasn't sure if the mother knew anything. "Something else that could maybe, take his mind off of the fact that he can't play hockey anymore." Mrs. Knight's expression seemed thoughtful, and he was beginning to think he would have to do this all by himself. "I thought cooking, perhaps, could be something of a task to do this, but that was a bust. Is there anything else that maybe he enjoys?"

Mrs. Knight took some time to think this question over, her brows furrowed in thought, before she blinked a few times, something obviously coming to mind. "Well, there is his guitar. He's played for years now. But he never plays in front of anyone. Heck, I don't think he even knows that I know about it."

Even though he had already heard this piece of news from Mr. Young, the thought still made him laugh inside. The notion of someone like Kendall, so rough and touch in exterior, playing the guitar seemed so strange to him, even with the time he had had to process this.

"He sings and writes songs as well." Logan was having a hard time hiding his internal bouts of laughter at Mrs. Knight's words. To Logan, Kendall seemed like your typical man who loves sports and drinks beer, but for the life of him he could not imagine Kendall playing guitar whilst writing and singing songs.

"He used to play whenever I went out and Katie wasn't home, back when he was just a teenager. I came home early one time from work and heard him playing. I had never heard a thing about him playing the guitar. I didn't even know he had the instrument, and ever since I found out I never let him know that I had heard him. He never mentioned it, and seemed so secretive about it. I thought maybe he was embarrassed. Maybe he thought playing it wasn't something all of the cool kids would like. But then one time, when I was cleaning his room, I found his guitar and song book in the back of his closet. He wrote some beautiful lyrics you know." Logan smiled upon hearing about of softer side of Kendall. He still couldn't picture this; the thought of Kendall with guitar in hand and softly singing a melodious tune was more ridiculous to him than a talking dog.

"Great, this is really going to help him," Logan said.

"How, it's not as if he can really ever play the guitar again without his arm."

"Just let me worry about this," Logan replied as he stood up. He walked away leaving a confused Mrs. Knight at the table, moving down the hallway before he entered Kendall's room, this time without knocking. Normally Logan would feel bad about but at the moment he was just too excited.

"What the hell-"

"Music! This is great. I know your little secret. Your next door neighbour told me earlier today, and now your mother had confirmed it was you. Why did you not think to mention that you play guitar and sing, my dad is actually a great musician. He teaches music to children out of his home, and he could definitely help you learn how to extend your skills-"

"What the fuck are you-"

"And this would help you get out of the house, and it'll give you a hobby which you can enjoy. It's perfect. So what do you say?"

"Are you stupid?"

This was not what Logan had been hoping for.

"Sorry?"

"I have one arm you idiot. I can't play a guitar with one fucking arm!"

"What? Of course you can. It may take a lot of practise but what doesn't these days? I mean, if you think you can just hide behind your disability for the rest of your life-"

"I'm not hiding behind anything!"

"You see, the thing is, you are. You may not realise it, but that's exactly what you're doing. You're using what happened to you as an excuse. How much longer is that going to last Kendall? Because I'm starting to think maybe your friend Carlos was right. You are a coward."

"I'm not a fucking coward!"

"Then prove it! Come to my dad's house. Let him teach you. He's brilliant and he would be happy to help."

"Like I said, you can 't play guitar with one hand."

"Yes you can." Logan wasn't really annoyed with Kendall. In fact, he completely understood. But he felt like he had learnt something over the past few days. Kendall hated it when he was made to feel inferior and his huge ego and arrogance before his accident, made him push himself harder and further then most others would. Logan was hoping his plan would work. He wanted to make Kendall feel inferior to push him, so he could push himself. Kendall had drive. After all, you don't just become a professional sports star over night. Logan just needed to tap into this side of Kendall.

"You just need to get up off your butt and work for it instead of lying here and being lazy. I mean, you didn't get to be some sort of hockey legend by sitting around, did you?"

He thought his plan was working. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he could succeed. He was wrong.

He suddenly heard sniffling, a gut-wrenching sound that broke his heart into pieces. Kendall was crying. As Logan was talking Kendall had turned to face away from him, and at the time Logan had thought it was out of annoyance. He was wrong once more.

"Kendall?"

"Please, just leave me alone." There was no menace behind these words. Only despair.

"Kendall. I'm sorry. I just-I thought..." But what had he been thinking? James had been right. He had pushed too hard.

"Look," but he wasn't about to give up yet, "I just want what's good for you." He took a seat on the side of Kendall's bed, for he needed to explain himself.

"What you're doing to yourself isn't who you are. When my friend James told me about you, the first time I brought you up to him, he said to me that you were the best hockey player in the NHL. At the time, I didn't even know what that meant." H e let out a chuckle, and he could've sworn that he saw Kendall's ribs jolt in slight laughter. "But whatever it was, I knew it meant you had to be good. And when I saw you on the TV screen when I came here, you weren't good. You were spectacular. And I could see that you worked so hard for that, to be that amazing. Where is that drive now? Why aren't you fighting?"

His words were spoken so softly, that Kendall couldn't help but turn around. And when Logan saw his tear stained face, he had to take a deep breath to compose himself before he burst into tears to o.

"I've lost everything. There is nothing worth fighting for anymore."

"How can you say that? You have a whole family out there. A mother who is trying her hardest to stay strong for you-"

"You don't understand," Kendall replied through gritted teeth. "I can't even look at her. This is all her fault."

"How can you say that-"

"How can I say that!?" Kendall fury blindsided Logan, but he sat calm and still needing to understand. "She did this to me! I would have rather been dead than like this. Incapable. Having to be looked after. Being stared with that pitying stare. She did this! And I will never forgive her. I can't."

"This isn't her fault-"

"She decided this for me. When I woke up from accident I still had my arm and leg. The doctors were talking about wanting to amputate, and I told them no. She pleaded with me, but I made her promise to not let them take away my arm or leg. She promised. But then something happened. I don't know what it was, but I passed out, and she made the call. She let them cut off my arm and leg. She took everything away from me."

"She wanted to save you-"

"She was just jealous!" Logan couldn't believe he was hearing this. Mrs. Knight would've never made such a decision out of jealously. "We hadn't talked for years before the accident. I moved out when I was seventeen because I couldn't handle her anymore. She kept saying that I was becoming too arrogant, too self-centred. She said that being good at hockey had made me too big-headed. That I thought I was superior to everyone else just because I was great at something. She just couldn't handle that I was making something of myself, and she was left behind with nothing to show for life. She was jealous of me. So the moment she got the chance she took everything away from me. Everything."

"Your mother would never be that spiteful-"

"Why else would she do it? We hadn't spoken in years. She didn't care. And I made her promise. I told her I would rather die than live without my arm or leg. I told her not to let them cut. And then I wake up to this."

"Kendall. Did you ever think that maybe your mother couldn't live with herself if she just let you die? Did you ever think that maybe she couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

"She shouldn't have let that cloud her judgement. She knew what I wanted and then went against my wishes. And Katie let her do it. Katie knew and she let her do it. I can't bear the sight of either of them."

"That doesn't mean you should throw your life away."

"Like I said, I have nothing to live for."

"What about Carlos? I've seen the way you look at him-"

"What's that supposed to mean ?!"

"Nothing I j-just.. . You have more to live for than you think. If you just think of it this way, you have far more to live for than you do to die for."

"You just don't understand. I mean, I can tell that you're just ordinary. You're not spectacular at anything. You're average. I wasn't. I had it all. I was brilliant. Hockey made me special."

Logan decided to look past all the insults in that sentence before moving on.

"It wasn't hockey that made you special."

"Yes it was. To be special these days you have to be great. In today's society without greatness you're nothing. You need to be a somebody to be special."

"That's not true. I think what made you special was the effort you put in to get to where you were. I can't even imagine all the hours of working out and training you must've put in to get to where you were. To be the best. I think that's what makes you special. Your passion and your drive."

"What does any of that matter now? All that work and I have nothing to show for it."

"Instead of thinking like that, why don't you think about what else you could put all of that passion and drive into."

Logan could tell he was so close. He was almost there.

"You know, I think everyone has greatness in them. Some of us have more than others," Logan said his lips curling into a smile. He reached out, grabbing Kendall's shoulder. He didn't care that there was no arm where it should be. In fact, he barely even noticed, and he gave Kendall's shoulder a squeeze. He just wanted to comfort the blond by any means possible.

"That greatness is inside of you. You are greatness. Hockey didn't make you great. You made yourself great. And you can make yourself great again. Just give me one hour. You can have one lesson with my dad, and if you hate it we'll find something else, but please just try, if not for anyone, then for yourself."

"Why do you care so much?" Kendall asked. And five words immediately came to mind.

"Because you don't care enough."


	5. Chapter 5

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

After it had been decided that Kendall would at least give things a try, Logan asked his father almost immediately for help, and to no surprise, the big hearted man was willing to give all he could. Of course, Logan had always known that the guitar could be played with one hand. He had seen it done before, his father having taught a child who was in an accident much like Kendall's. He was amazed by how his father had taught this child, the boy in question showing great amount of skill. He knew it would be hard, but the repercussions would only benefit Kendall in more ways than one.

"And you swear that your dad won't stare at me like he feels sorry for me, right?" Kendall asked as he sat in his wheel chair in the living room, opposed to being cooped up in his room like some sort of prisoner.

"I told you, my dad has taught a child with an amputated arm before, and the kid loved my dad. Everything will be fine. Trust me."

Kendall hadn't asked Logan to be there, but it was a mutual understanding that he wasn't leaving.

"And the next step is physical therapy. You can be fitted for prosthetics if everything goes well and-"

"No," Kendall interrupted. Logan had thought they were making progress but apparently not. Logan had talked with Mrs. Knight about Kendall's unwillingness to go to physical therapy, and she wasn't quite sure why Kendall was reluctant either. But as Logan had learnt, Kendall was so very stubborn, and if he didn't want to do something he wasn't going to do it.

"You know, I think it would really benefit you if you'd just give it a try-"

"I said no. I'm doing your stupid guitar lesson, so just be grateful for that," Kendall snapped, signalling to Logan this was not the time or place for this discussion.

"Well, I'm off boys," Mrs. Knight said as she entered the living room where they were seated. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay sweetheart?"

"No. Good-bye," Kendall bluntly replied. Logan could see Mrs. Knight's expression fall from her face as if it had simply melted away only to be replaced with such sadness that Logan's heart shattered into a million, tiny shards.

"Okay, well, you boys have fun." Mrs. Knight left, leaving the house empty other than the two men. Katie was once more out, which Kendall quite frankly didn't seem to mind either.

"You shouldn't talk to your mother like that."

"I know you think I'm being irrational, but she will always be the one who did this to me. Whether it was out of jealously or not, she did this to me. And don't try and reason with me, because it won't work."

"I don't think you'r e being irrational," Logan started off, Kendall glancing at him with a quizzical expression. "I know you're being irrational."

Kendall scoffed.

"She's trying. She's really trying and you're just blowing her off like she's completely insignificant."

"To me, right now she is , now, shut up before you become insignificant to me to."

Logan was fighting a losing battle, so he decided to save it for a later date as they continued to wait for his father.

When a knock came at the door, Logan stood, once more giving Kendall's shoulder a squeeze before he moved forward to let his father in. The middle aged man with tufts of grey hair stepped inside the house, holding two acoustic guitars. Kendall actually didn't have an instrument of his own. He had explained to Logan he had had it thrown away after the accident, thinking he would never play again, so the second guitar was for him.

"Hey, son, where are we starting?"

"Just through there, in the living room, but dad-" Logan didn't get a chance to talk to his father before the lesson began, and when he walked into the living room behind his father he wished he had taken the chance.

"Ah, and you must be Kendall. Nice to meet you." And that's when Mr. Mitchell held out his hand waiting for Kendall to shake it, before realising exactly what he had done. Where most people might have found the situation awkward, just like Carlos had done a few days ago, Mr. Mitchell laughed off what would be deemed his insensitivity, before righting himself and sticking out his left arm.

"There we go. How do you do?" Logan put the palm of his hand to his forehead with a groan, but when he looked up he found Kendall was grinning as she shook the older man's hand.

"I'm good, thanks."

_Thanks. _Logan thought that was the politest word that had ever come out of Kendall's mouth.

"Good to hear, good to hear," Mr. Mitchell muttered before continuing. "Now let me tell you something. Playing guitar one handed is difficult, but not impossible. I can do it, and I've taught one of my students to do it. But you've got to have strength of mind and some grit in you. You need to be ready to put in the hard yards. Logan tells me you've got a lot of that in you, so I'm expecting a lot out of you. So, why don't we begin?" Mr. Mitchell clapped his hands together as he picked up the two guitars w ith a glint of determination in his eyes. He was ready for this, and Logan only hoped Kendall was as well.

...

To play one-handed, Kendall had to learn what guitarists called 'hammer on' and 'pull off.' He had heard of these terms before but had never actually tried it. The hardest thing was learning how to do this with his left hand, when he was a righty. And then there was the fact that he was having trouble holding it up without his leg to balance the instrument on. He hadn't even got to try the technique yet, for he couldn't balance himself long enough to pluck at the strings.

"All right, you've got it," the words came from Mr. Mitchell's mouth, although Kendall was biting the inside of his cheek to try and keep balance without dropping the guitar like he had twice already .

"Now we're going to try hammer on. What you want to do is push down on the fretboard hard and quick, trying to make the same noise as if you ha d plucked the string. Like this." Mr. Mitchell demonstrated before helping Kendall to place his finger correctly, demonstrating a few more times before Kendall gave it try.

By the end of the hour Kendall hadn't really accomplished a lot. What he had accomplished however was to allow his blood to boil to new heights. He wasn't snapping at Mr. Mitchell because he actually really liked the guy. But Logan was getting the full brunt of his anger.

"I can't believe I ever let you talk me into this. You are beyond stupid. _Oh yeah, Kendal l, you can play the guitar with one hand, Kendall, just try, Kendall, trust me, Kendall,"_ Kendall imitated Logan in a high pitched and whiny voice. "Last time I trust you again," he bitterly muttered.

"You know you're not doing too badly. It takes time and practise. I mean, did you expect to be brilliant in your first lesson." Logan replied.

"Yes!" Kendall shouted back.

"Oh right, because I'm sure when you first learnt to skate on the ice you were perfect and never fell over once."

"That's pretty much how it went."

"Oh, of course. Because in your little deluded world where you are Mr. Perfect, of course you would be able to-"

"All right, boys! Let's not get off track, shall we? Besides, I think that'll be it for the lesson. I'm thinking we should try for once a week, if that's all right with you, Kendall. And I want you to practise every single night, all right . As the saying goes, practise makes perfect."

When Mr. Mitchell had left, both Kendall and Logan were fuming.

"You know, my dad is going out of his way for you, and you're acting like a total jerk."

"I wasn't acting like a jerk to him. I actually like him, unlike some people."

"You know what; you're not so peachy in my opinion either."

"Who say's peachy, I mean really? Just say that I'm a dickhead like someone normal would."

"Oh my golly, you make me want to tear my hair out."

"Golly! Golly!" Kendall burst out into fits, which only infuriated Logan even further.

"_You know what, just_-"

Logan was interrupted by Mrs. Knight entering the room.

"Boys, what is going on!?" Logan didn't stay to answer. He glared back at Kendall, wishing upon him everything bad that could happen to a person, before he turned on his heel and stalked out the room, leaving a bewildered Mrs. Knight behind.

...

"I mean, can you believe him? I put all of this effort into helping him. My dad agreed to do all of this for free, out of the kindness of his heart. And he still treats me like I'm just some gum on the bottom of his shoe. It's maddening, I'm telling you."

Logan was around at James' apartment, sprawled out across his couch as he vented. It reminded him of being in a session of counselling, other than the fact the person he was venting to stood across from him staring into a mirror as he combed his hair, rather than taking in exactly what he was saying.

"You know, you sound like an obnoxious school girl who would rather bitch about her crush than just admit that she likes him." Logan's face drained of all colour.

"I don't have a crush on Kendall. I'm not gay," he spoke rather quickly, lines of tension forming on his forehead.

"I know, dude. Relax. I was just saying that's what you sounded like." Logan's shoulders slumped as he let out a much needed breath.

"Right, yeah, wait what? I don't sound like that. I, in all honestly, dislike him a lot."

"So why do you keep going back to help him then?"

"I don't know." And that was the truth. Logan didn't know why he kept going back to Kendall when it was so clear the blond didn't give a damn about him.

He looked up from his seat to see James still staring into the mirror, running his comb through his hair. But now Logan noticed James looked quite dolled up. He was wearing a nice t-shirt, and some jeans that accentuated the perfect curve of his-

Logan stopped thinking there, turning away, his cheeks now a bright red.

How had he not noticed how good James looked? He had been busy ranting on about Kendall, but still, how had he simply remained unaware of this for the entire time he had been here?

"Why do you look so nice?" Logan asked.

"You think I look good?"

"Yeah, but why?"

"I've got a date."

James had had dates before, but they had never really amounted to anything. Every time though, Logan had felt a pang in his heart, wishing he was the one out on a date with the glorious being that was James. This time though, he wasn't really sure what he felt. He was definitely curious.

"Who is she?"

"She came into the shop where I was working and we talked at the counter, and I don't know, something clicked with her. But..." James was reluctant to tell him, something which was so very strange. James and he didn't have secrets-well, ex cept for one big secret, but there was no way he could ever tell James that.

"But what?"

"She's a little younger than me."

"How much younger?"

" ... She's seventeen. But she's very mature for her age. It's more like she's twenty you know and-"

"James, a four year age gap isn't that bad."

"You don't think? I mean, she's turning eighteen in a few months, so it's really more like three."

"James, that's fine. Just as long as she makes you happy."

"This is our first official date. I mean, she has come in and, like, hung around the store, and we've chatted but this is kind of the real deal, you know?"

"Yeah, well, I'm really happy for you. You'll knock them dead."

"Good, good, okay well, can your troubles wait, because I kind of have to go."

"Totally, I'll catch up with you later to hear about how everything went."

Logan wasn't sure what was going on in his head. He wasn't as upset as he normally was when James had a date. Sure, his heart still ached a little, but he could actually contain his heartbreak this time. He decided to walk home, giving himself some time to think about what exactly was going on in his mind.

...

" We're almost at the end our book, Mr. Young," Logan spoke. He had just spent an hour with the old man, who was only deteriorating by the day. "We only have two more chapters left, so we can finish up when I come back in the next few days."

"Y...Y...Y..." Mr . Young couldn't even finish the simplest of sentences, but the smile on his face let Logan know that he understood. The old man would most definitely pass on in the next few days, and Logan knew it would be such a sad time for him. He had come to know Mr. Young over the past few months, and Logan would call him a very good friend indeed. He didn't want to lose him, but he knew it was only a matter of time. He just hoped they would get to finish the book they were reading, for Mr. Young really seemed to enjoy the fantastic read.

"All right, good-bye then and take care." Logan gave Mr. Young's hand a quick squeeze before he turned to leave, only to be pulled back by the old man's surprisingly firm grip .

"T-Th-The wi-wi-win-do-d-"

Logan tried to understand what Mr. Young was saying, finally getting the point that Mr. Young wanted the window to be opened. Logan guessed perhaps it was a bit stuffy in the room, so he walked over and opened the window.

At first, he didn't hear it, the sweet, mellow, harmonious tune. It was just barely audible over the breezy wind that brushed past outside. Logan turned around to see Mr. Young had closed his eyes slowly swaying from side to side as his brittle, bony fingers tapped along to the soft, sensual beat . That was when Logan really began to listen, and as he did, he heard the reason as to why Mr. Young had wanted the window opened.

It was unmistakably Kendall's voice, which was creating this charming, elegant melody. It was so quiet, but so undeniably gorgeous that Logan couldn't believe his ears. When he turned around, it seemed Mr. Young had fallen asleep to the beautiful sound.

"He loves that boy's singing." Julie had walked into the room to check on Mr. Young. "I've never heard it before, but yesterday when I opened the window and sat with Darious, we heard it after a while. Darious told me about the boy as much as he could," Julie explained in a whisper, to which Logan smiled and nodded. It seemed that Kendall's voice brought Mr. Young some form of happiness, and for that Logan was grateful.

"Excuse me, Julie. I must be off," Logan said with a grin before he headed out, making his way to the Knight's household. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. So once more he opened it himself, calling out in wonder where Kendall could be. When he looked back out onto their front yard, he noticed that Mrs. Knight 's car was not in the driveway. Had she left Kendall alone? He knew Kendall was here, but who was here with him?

"Kendall!" he shouted, stepping into the house.

"I'm outside!" Logan heard, whom he was assuming to be, Kendall yell. But how could this be Kendall, when the voice specifically stated they were outside? As far as Logan knew, Kendall hadn't been outside since his accident. Logan followed to where he thought he had heard Kendall's voice come from, to the back door which was ajar ajar. He pushed it open fully to see Kendall sitting in his wheelchair underneath the blaringly hot sun, his guitar laid across his lap. There was a table which s at in front of him, which looked to have some paper and pens upon it. Logan walked forward, somehow knowing Kendall knew he was already there.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" Kendall spoke, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"I heard you singing," Logan started moving so he was in front of Kendall. He took a seat at the table, looking up to see Kendall actually appeared rather astonished by his announcement.

"Your neighbour across the road likes to listen to you when you sing and play, and he cracked open a window today. We could hear you from over here." The astonishment was gone within seconds, replaced by a sort of cold emotion. "I just thought I'd come over here and tell you that, well, I think you're absolutely incredible. I mean, if I didn't recognize your voice, I would literally think it was someone else singing," Logan was in absolute awe of Kendall, but then it really hit him. Kendall was outside.

"What're you doing out here?" It took Kendall a while to answer, looking down to fiddle with the strings on the guitar in his lap.

"I miss the sun. I wanted to come out here, because I miss the feel of the sun."

"And are you here by yourself?"

"Yeah, my mum went out to run some errands. She's only going to be an hour and I said I'd be fine."

"Oh, okay."

The two sat in silence, and Logan wasn't sure how to break the awkwardness. There was something different in the air at the moment, and he wasn't quite sure how to approach this.

"H-Have you thought much about you know, um, going to physical therapy?" Logan questioned. He really thought that this would help Kendall, and he just wished the blond would consider it.

"I-I just..." Kendall trailed off.

"You just what?" Logan waited patiently for Kendall to answer.

"I-It just means...It-I can't. It doesn't matter," Kendall sighed.

"I think it matters." Logan reached forward, putting his hand on Kendall's knee and giving it squeeze. Logan looked up with a smile, but Kendall did not mirror the look on his face. In fact, Kendall looked rather squeamish and uncomfortable. Logan quickly pulled his hand back realising this was the problem.

"S-Sorry I-I didn't m-mean to-"

"It's fine. Look, I was kind of just enjoying being alone, so if you don't mind…"

"Oh yeah, sure," Logan nodded, not knowing why there was so much awkward tension between him and Kendall all of a sudden, but he wasn't liking it one bit. He stood up turning to leave, so he could get out of this uncomfortable situation.

"Look, Kendall, I really think you should go to physical therapy. I know you're stubborn and only do what you want to do, but I really think that physical therapy will help you. Just please consider it, all right." After saying this, Logan turned to leave, knowing Kendall will have to make the decision to go to physical therapy on his own. Logan knew he couldn't force him, and he just hoped Kendall would somehow see reason.

He was walking away when Kendall spoke. What Kendall said hit him hard, for reasons unbeknownst to him, but there was an ache in his heart like he had never felt before.

"I don't want to go outside because I don't want people to see me like this." Kendall's back was towards Logan so he couldn't see his face, but Logan knew it would be a tear-jerking sight.

"Kendall, it's all right-"

"No, it isn't! Nothing about this is all right!" Logan was by his side in an instance, kneeling before him.

"I know what you think, okay but you are going to get through this. _We_ are going to get through this." T his time when he grabbed Kendall's hand in both of his, there was no awkwardness. For the first time between the two, there was a sense of hope. For Logan, he felt like he was finally getting through to Kendall. And for Kendall, there was something there that made him feel like, maybe one day, he might be able to live a life worth living.


	6. Chapter 6

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

"Wow, I can't believe how much progress you've made. That was excellent."

Logan sat with Kendall on the Knight's couch, listening to the blond play his guitar. It wasn't much, and Kendall was still having trouble balancing the guitar on his lap, but he was playing something no matter how small. That was what really mattered. Kendall moved the guitar to rest it against the beige couch, turning to smile at Logan. S omething in the smile suggested there was more to this visit than just to hear Kendall play a short melody.

Kendall had called him th at morning, just as he was heading off to work, asking him if he would come around that afternoon. Logan immediately agreed, thinking it was just to hang out, but there was a sort of nervousness in the air from the vibes Kendall was giving off, and Logan wasn't sure what to make of it. In a way it was making him feel nervous.

"So, ah, can you make me some fruit salad?" Logan raised his brows, for the request just seemed so out of the ordinary. Kendall never really asked anyone to do anything for him, because he was a very independent person.

"I really want fruit salad, and I haven't figured out how to-how to, ah, cut stuff properly yet," Kendall explained.

"Oh, ah, y-yeah I can, ah-"

"Don't make this awkward, and just get up with a smile on your pretty little face and make me some fruit salad , " Kendall said. Logan rolled his eyes before getting up and doing as Kendall said, wondering what to think of the comment about his face being pretty. He also found himself not being annoyed at Kendall's rudeness-something that was very unusual for when he thought about it, he always found himself in some way annoyed with Kendall. He actually was able to put a smile on his face as he went to make Kendall his fruit salad.

He was in the middle of cutting up an apple when he heard the front door open and shut. He assumed it was Mrs. Knight coming home from 'running some errands' as Kendall had put it. Logan knew that Kendall was glad his mother had finally started leaving him alone. She was still wary of leaving him by himself for long periods of time, but he was starting to feel independent again when left on his lonesome.

Mrs. Knight soon came into the kitchen, smiling upon seeing Logan.

"Hey. Logan. I'm really glad you're here for the big day. I just can't believe Kendall finally has decided to go to see the prosth etist -"

"Wait, what?"

"The pro sthetist . That's why you're here, isn't it? To come to today's session, right?" Logan frowned before putting the knife down, leaving the apple behind. He walked out of the kitchen and back to Kendall.

"Hey, where's my fruit salad?"

"You're going to see the pros thetist , and you didn't tell me?" Logan hissed, which obviously took Kendall aback.

"Are you angry at me?"

"Angry? Of course I'm angry at you. Gosh!" S uddenly, Logan was throwing his arms around Kendall's neck, which surprised the blond more than anything ever had.

"Ah, there, there," Kendall patted Logan on the back uneasily.

"I'm sorry," Logan said before pulling back. "I'm just really happy for you."

"Yeah, I guess," Kendall simply replied. "And that's kind of why I called you here. I-I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?"

And that was how Logan found himself at the hospital, by Kendall's side in a room where the walls were so blaringly white it half-blinded him.

When Kendall had expressed his interest in finally helping himself, Mr s. Knight had called around, talking to Kendall's physical therapist and to anyone who she thought might help her to find the right prosthetist for Kendall. A prosthetist named Kelly Wainwright was brought up, so that was whom Kendall was going to see.

It had been quite difficult to get Kendall outside and into the car to drive him to where they were. He had been afraid, which was something he would never admit in his right mind, but by the tremble in his hand, which was holding Logan's so tightly, he knew that Kendall was scared.

"It's going to be fine," Logan kept whispering words of encouragement to Kendall, who only gripped his hand tighter. It was a bit of a mission getting him into the car, but they managed to do it. And when Kendall was being wheeled into the hospital by Logan, Mrs. Knight was told to stay in the car. And now they were in the hospital room, waiting.

"You should have been nicer to your mother," Logan spoke up. "She would've really loved to be here with you, to help you through all of this-"

"I don't care, Logan. I would much rather you here anyway."

They had been waiting for about ten minutes before the pros thetist showed up. She introduced herself, to which Kendall feigned a smile, which immediately turned into a deep frown. She seemed so nice and lovely-definitely Logan's kind or people. However, Kendall didn't seem interested, so Logan decided he might have to be the one to do all of the talking.

"Well, this is Kendall, and I'm Logan, a friend of his, and we're both really happy to be here." Miss Wainwright smiled up at him.

"Well, nice to meet both of you. Now, Kendall, today is just about us getting to know one another, and for you to learn all about the process of getting a prosthetic arm and leg. I have some videos to show you, just so you have all the information, and then we'll go over what may be best for you, the patient. Everything is just information based for today, all right?"

Kendall nodded, not keeping eye contact with Miss Wainwright even for a second.

"That sounds great, right, Kendall?" Logan tried, yet again Kendall simply nodded. Logan bit down on the inside of his cheek, wondering what must be going through Kendall's mind. He didn't have time to really think about it, because with a smile, Miss Wainwright went straight into what she had come here to do.

She talked through with Kendall about the rehabilitation process and the time-frame they would be going through. She then showed him video's about amputees who are out there again doing activities with prosthetics and without prosthetics. Logan gained a whole new insight into the life of someone who has amputated limbs, and he only hoped Kendall benefitted from this like he had. And then there were the possibilities that could come with the prosthetics such as discomfort, or phantom limb sensation which was where one felt pain in the missing limb. Logan never even knew such a thing existed.

The two were there for two hours before Miss Wainwright brought the session to a close.

"Now, you have some pretty big things to think about with all of this information. You have a big decision when it comes to whether or not prosthetics are right for you, which they may not be. And if you decide prosthetics are right for you, you can schedule another session. I'll look at how your scars a healing, and if it is required I'll have you fitted and then I'll help you to use your new prosthetics. But take some time, talk it over with your friend," Miss Wainwright nodded to Logan, "and you family. And maybe I will see you back here."

Kendall didn't say anything; he simply sat there, looking at Miss Wainwright as if he was actually looking through her like she was as transparent as a sheet of glass.

"Well, um, it was lovely to meet you and thank you for your time today," Logan finished, grabbing the handles of Kendall's wheel chair, and pushing him out the door .

"You could've been a lot nicer," Logan hissed the moment the doors banged close behind them.

"What?! She was boring as hell. God, I almost fell asleep the entire time she was talking to me-"

"Don't play this game with me. I know that you were scared," Logan interrupted. "I'm the kind of person you can be honest with, Kendall. You don't have to lie to me and tell me that you were bored, because I know you weren't. You were scared, and it's okay to be scared. It's okay, Kendall." Logan got no response after this, the entire walk outside a silent one.

Mr s. Knight drove both of them back, Logan the only one talking to her about how the session had gone. Kendall sat in the back, looking out the window, avoiding eye-contact with any person in the car. As soon as Kendall was back inside, with Logan's help, he wheel-chaired himself back to his room where the door was slammed shut. Logan stayed for dinner once more, but Kendall wasn't heard from for the rest of the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

Logan didn't hear from Kendall for the next few days. He went back to the Knight's household each day, trying to coax Kendall out of his room, but he wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't so much as look up from his spot on his bed where he lay with his face covered by his pillows.

In these few days, Logan found himself going to visit Mr. Young. When Kendall wouldn't so much as let out a peep, Logan didn't have much else to do other than to spend what could be the elderly man's last few hours in company.

It was morning. The day was not off to a good start. Logan hated bad weather, just because of the fact it made the day feel gloomy. And right now, it was pelting down with rain, the sky a dark shade of doom. He wished it was sunny and bright, and not like this.

He had gone to visit Kendall once more, the blond chucking a shoe at him the moment he entered through his bedroom door. So once more he found himself on the door-step of Mr. Young's house. He knocked, as always, but this time it took a lot longer than it ever had for Julie to answer the door. And when she did, the tears in her eyes were evident.

"It's time, Logan," was the only thing she said. Logan didn't waste another second standing at the door, racing through to where Mr. Young was lying in his bed. His eyes fluttered closed every few moments, and his breathing was ragged.

"Mr. Young," Logan spoke, moving to sit by his bedside, grabbing hold of the man's bony and frail fingers. "It's all right. It's going to be all right." he was trying to make Mr. Young's last moment on earth a happy one.

"T-T-T-"

"Ssh, it's okay," Logan tried to calm Mr. Young, but the elderly man managed to lift a finger to point at the window. And that was when Logan knew how he could really make Mr. Young's last moments on earth really happy. He ran out of the room, almost knocking over Julie in the process. He apologised quickly before he continued to run, heading out the front door and over to the Knight's household.

"Logan- " Mrs. Knight called out as Logan burst through the door and immediately ran down the hall towards Kendall's room. He threw open the door and ran straight to Kendall's bed.

"Get up," Logan cried, grabbing the bed spread that laid over Kendall's bed and throwing it off of him.

"What the hell?"

"Don't curse at me, and get up!" Logan was frantic. He needed to get Kendall to Mr. Young. He needed to do this for the elderly man, and he couldn't wait another second.

"L-Logan, what's wrong?"

"It doesn't matter what is wrong, just get up. Now!"

It was evident that Kendall could tell something was wrong, Logan's expression absolutely hysterical, and the way the brunette was shouting, it was so un-Logan-like that it was frightening.

"I-I just, what's going on?"

"I'm serious, if you don't get up, I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and drag you out of this house in an instant now get up!" Wheeling over Kendall's chair, Logan urged Kendall to sit, despite the blonds' hesitation. Kendall knew that with the state Logan was in, there was going to be no arguing with him. Once Kendall was in the wheel chair, Logan grabbed the handles and started to wheel him out as fast as he could. He was back at Mr. Young's house in seconds, wheeling Kendall down the hall and into the elderly man's room, all the while Kendall screaming and shouting, wondering what was going on.

And when they got to the room, Mr. Young was barely hanging on.

"Logan, what the fuc-"

"Don't swear," Logan hissed, his face pale as he moved to be right next to Mr. Young, again goin g to hold his hand, his grip like a vice as tears began to streak down his face.

"M-Mr. Young. I- " Logan hiccupped through the tears as he went on. "I brought Kendall here. H-He's going to sing for you." Mr. Young's eyes weren't just fluttering open and closed now. They were closing for long periods of timebefore they opened to be tiny slits, only to close once more. He was taking long, drawn out breaths, and everything was pointing to this being it.

"Kendall, sing," Logan turned and whispered in a deadly undertone to Kendall.

"I-what-I don't understand-"

"Just sing."

"Sing what? I don't know what's going on, and-"

"I don't care what you sing, just sing something, now."

Kendall was beyond confused as to why he was sitting in some dying man's house being asked to sing, but then he remembered Logan mentioning something about visiting his neighbour, and his neighbour liking his singing. Moreover, when Kendall saw the look on Logan's face, a look mixed with such desperation and sadness, he knew he just needed to do this.

So he began to sing. It was one of his favourite songs, and one of the first songs he had learnt on the guitar. He tried to keep in perfect pitch, but all he could think about was that the old man was dying. How he was twitching, and how awful his breathing sounded. He didn't know if he was doing a good job, but when his neighbour finally stopped breathing, his eyes closed, his body stiff and rigid, he at least had the ghost of his last smile etched upon his face.

When Kendall stopped singing, he could finally hear Logan sniffling trying to hold back his tears.

"Logan I-"

"Just don't. Not now," Logan stood up, wiping his face on his sleevebefore he left, passing by a blond e woman who Kendall didn't even realise had been standing there the whole time.

"Um, I just-I ah," Kendall continued to stammer, wondering how to get out of this awkward situation, but the blond woman just smiled, a sad smile at that, but a smile nonetheless .

"I should probably be going." H e turned back to his neighbour, wondering if he should maybe say something, but nothing came to mind. He had never really known the old man, and the moments they had shared, his neighbour had been of nothing but annoyance to him.

"Ah, rest in peace," Kendall spoke after he cleared his throat. He then turned back to the woman before wheeling himself out, with much trouble, back to his home. He wasn't sure where Logan had gone, so he decided to just go back to his room. He wheeled himself back through his front door, to where his mother was waiting for him with a look of complete and utter fury on her face.

"That boy has been nothing but good to you, and you send him back here in tears. Where were you boys anyway?"

"Ah, it was weird, that, ah, old dude next door just died and Logan-"

"Wait, Darious died? Oh, may he rest in peace." Mrs. Knight's hand laid over her heart as her face fell upon hearing the bad news.

"Look, I feel bad to o. But where is Logan?"

"He's in your room," Mrs. Knight managed to get out, to which Kendall wheeled himself away towards his own room. When he walked in, he was surprised to see Logan pacing back and forth across his room.

"Logan, are you okay?"

"Don't! Just don't!" Logan looked beyond furious; his eyebrows knitted together in anger, the corners of his mouth drooped in sadness.

"I was just going to ask-"

"I can't deal with you right now, Kendall! I just can't! I can't deal with how rude you are, and how you've just sat here for these past few days ignoring everyone and sulking when all we're doing is trying to help. All I am doing is trying to help!"

"I never asked for your help!"

"No, Kendal, you didn't, but I'm still here. I helped you because I have good in my heart, but you," Logan words were laced with poisonous venom, but Kendall wasn't one to tread lightly either. "you are empty and hollow inside."

"You know what, Logan? Fuck you! I never asked you to be here. I never wanted you to be here. So just go. Get out and don't come back!"

"Fine," Logan spat. He strode across the room, stomping his feet before he opened the door and slammed it shut. Kendall shook his head, knowing that grief was all that was going through Logan's system. Kendall wasn't sure how close Logan had been to his neighbour, but obviously it was very close with the way Logan had reacted. Kendall wheeled himself over to his bed before moving onto it which took a lot of hard work and effort. When he was finally lying down, puffed and out of breath, his door burst open once more, revealing Logan who was an absolute mess.

"Thank you for singing to him," Logan whispered as he shut the door, leaning back against it and falling to the ground.

"Logan I-"

"Thank you for singing to him. He loves it-loved it-when you would sing."

"Logan, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Just thank you. And I'm sorry, about before. I just-I was just…" Logan trailed off.

"It's all right."

Before Kendall knew it, Logan had burst out into tears. Kendall would go over and help, but it would take him so long to get over to where Logan was, so instead he did the next best thing.

"Look, come here, all right?"

"W-What?" Logan looked up utterly confused, only seeing Kendall patting the space of the left side of his bed.

"Look, don't just sit there crying like that. Hurry up, and get over here before I change my mind and kick you out again." Logan was surprised, to say the least, but he found himself moving without thinking. And before he knew it, he was beside Kendall, just lying there wondering what he was supposed to do now.

"I'm sorry about the old dude," Kendall finally said. Logan turned to lie on his side, Kendall moving to the same so they were looking at each other.

"It's fine, just, sad. I've been visiting him for two months and I guess I grew attached to him. And I'm sorry, about saying you were hollow and empty inside. I was just-"

"Upset?"

"Yeah."

"It's fine. Trust me. I know what it feels like to lose something, or in your case someone, important to you."

It was strange to see this side of Kendall. This caring and understanding side of the blond, which to Logan just seemed so out of the blue. But Logan was enjoying Kendall like this. The two lay together for the next few hours, sometimes talking to one another, other times just lying there in each other's tight embraces. They ended up with Kendall lying on his back, with Logan cuddled into his side. The position wasn't weird for them. It felt completely natural.

"I can't believe he's really gone," Logan murmured, his fingers curling into Kendall's t-shirt as his cheek nestled into the crook of Kendall's shoulder.

"I know. It sucks when you lose someone."

"Have you ever lost someone close to you?" Logan, in all honesty, didn't realise how insensitive he was being. He never had heard the full story of what had happened in Kendall's accident, only knowing what he had heard from James when he had first talked to the pretty boy about Kendall. And he had, quite frankly, forgotten that James had mentioned Kendall's girlfriend had also been in the accident. He had only remembered when he saw the expression on Kendall's face drop for a mere second, that same expression vanishing within the blink of an eye to be replaced by a look of impassiveness.

"Kendall, I-I'm so sorry, I-I-"

"My girlfriend Jo. She was in the accident with me, and she died," Kendall replied bluntly. Logan found it strange that Kendall didn't even seem bothered by this, the way he was about Mr. Young's death. Of course, the death of Mr. Young was fresh in his mind, but Kendall seemed so indifferent about talking of his so-called girlfriend.

"I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have mentioned anything. I w-was just-"

"Logan, it's fine. Seriously, it doesn't matter." Kendall shrugged it off, which just didn't sit right with Logan. This woman was Kendall's girlfriend, and he should at least act like he cared more.

"Of course, it matters, Kendall. This woman was your girlfriend-"

"She wasn't really my girlfriend, all right." Kendall interrupted. Logan furrowed his brows in confusion, wondering what on earth Kendall was talking about. The look of confusion on Logan's face obviously made Kendall realise he had a bit of explaining to do.

"It was a set-up. Jo was an upcoming actress. My agent thought it might boost my profile in the media's eye, and at the time I was basically the star of the NHL. So it was a set-up from my agent to make me look better. My agent just kept saying that having a hot, young, up and coming star on my arm would help my reputation with the media. I don't know. It was all just a big scam to make me look good. I didn't even like Jo, and she was only doing it because of the fact that it made her look good as well. The relationship wasn't real."

Logan was blown away by this, never in a million years thinking that Kendall would be the type of person to have a fake relationship with someone. Kendall could probably get any girl he wanted, so why did he need to have a fake relationship? Why didn't he just find a girl who he actually liked, and bui ld a real relationship with her?

"I don't understand," Logan replied.

"And you probably never will. And just so you know, I said it doesn't matter because it doesn't. It doesn't matter. I know it's harsh to say, but to be honest, Jo was hollow and empty inside. You would have hated her if you had met her. I mean, if you think I'm some sort of monster, you probably would've thought of her as the devil."

"So why were you with her then?"

Kendall took his time to answer the question, pausing for a moment before replying with, "It's complicated." Logan knew he wasn't going to get anything more out of Kendall. So their conversation stopped. They lay together for a few moments longer before-as if they were in sync with one another-they turned to look deeply into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk the last few days."

"The last few days," Logan giggled, slapping Kendall's shoulder. Unlike with Carlos, it wasn't awkward. Logan could get past the fact that Kendall was missing an arm, and it seemed as if maybe Kendall was beginning to move forward ever so slightly as well.

"I've decided I'm going to get a prosthetic leg, but not an arm. I feel like an arm would just be dead weight to me. At least with a leg it could help me to walk again," Kendall started, Logan glad he had finally made a decision.

"Whatever you want. Everyone's going to support you no matter what." Logan smiled, reaching out to run his hand down Kendall's cheek. "And everything is going to fine. Everything's going to turn out all right."

That night, the two fell asleep cuddled together, their bodies warm against one another, Kendall's decision and Mr Young's death still fresh in both of their minds. But the next day would be brand new , and with the way that night had turned out both men were sure the days that were to follow would be filled with more happy memories than sad one s.


	8. Chapter 8

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

"Okay, Kendall. Does this feel comfortable? Because it is important that I know about any discomfort , " Miss Wainwright said. Kendall shook his head. He had been at the prosthetist for an hour, getting fitted for his prosthetic.

"Well, that's great. Maybe we've found the right one. Now all we need to do is take the necessary steps to see if we can get you walking again."

Miss Wainwright had explained that Kendall was going to need to be working on his strength. She was very happy that Kendall, through his sporting background, was already rather fit, but he needed to keep it up.

"So what we're going to do is move you over to the parallel bars. This is how you're going to learn to walk again."

Kendall spent the next hour standing between two bars which were parallel to one another, trying to move forward in the correct way. He had to learn how to stand on one leg, before he learnt to shift his body weight between the bars, not putting all of his weight on his arm, or his sound leg, but learning to trust his prosthesis.

It was a long and gruelling process, and when the hour was over he still hadn't learnt how to walk properly. Miss Wainwright obviously explained this was a long process and it would take time. She scheduled Kendall for another three sessions that week, as he had to continue using the parallel bars until he was comfortable on his prosthetic leg.

"All right. We will see you in a few days, Kendall." Miss Wainwright had wheeled him down to the front entrance, where he had told his mother to wait for him. Logan had been unavailable to take him because he had had work that morning, so he had to rely on his mother.

"Oh, there you are, honey. How did everything go today? Was everything all right?" His mother had been waiting right at the door for him, and she spoke so quickly that Kendall merely rolled his eyes before replying with,

"Let's go."

He didn't give Miss Wainwright time to introduce herself, signalling for his mother he wanted to leave that instance . The car ride home was a silent one as always, the only noise when his mother tried to start medial conversation which was only to be ignored. When they got home, Kendall went to his room, deciding to wait for Logan, who had promised he would be around after his work had finished.

He decided he would mess around on his guitar whilst he waited. If he were going to be honest, he was beyond happy that Logan had given this back to him, the opportunity to be able to play the guitar again. He never thought he would be able to do it again, and yet he was, practising his 'hammer on' and 'pull offs', learning to play songs he had written. He had always had the gift of gab; a way with words and he loved that he now had more time for it.

It wasn't that he didn't miss hockey anymore, because it hurt him every day that he didn't step back onto the ice, but he never had the time to sit and write songs and figure out how to play them. And if he did, he never went through with it because singing and writing songs and playing the guitar was n't something rugged hockey players did. His teammates would've been embarrassed for him, and to be honest, he was a little embarrassed of himself. But now, it was the only thing that made him happy. Other than Logan. He would never he would never admit it, but the pale man actually made him feel, well, happy. Whenever Logan was around Kendall, he just felt like maybe things might be all right in the end.

He heard a knock at the door, and he didn't even need to say anything before Logan walked in.

"Hey, how did it go?" Logan asked him before he could even get another word in. He didn't mind though, because he really wanted to talk about the progress made.

"First, how did it go for you? How was the old dude's funeral?"

"Fine, I guess. Really sad. He had a good send off. It's what he would've wanted. And now he's in Heaven."

"That's nice. Do you really believe in all of that H eaven crap, though? I mean, in all honesty, like who believes that-"

"Please don't insult my faith. Yes, I do believe in heaven, and I believe that is where Mr. Young is now. And I don't want to talk about this anymore. Now tell me how it went for you?"

Kendall rolled his eyes before he went on to talk about how his session went.

"Well, I have my prosthetic, and I have to learn to walk between these bars before I can learn to move around on my own, but Miss Wainwright said that I did really well." Kendall smiled, as Logan sat down beside him.

"Well done, and to celebrate you should play me something. My dad said that the last lesson you had you were amazing and had improved more than he thought you could. So play me something. Let me hear the magic."

Logan had made himself at home, putting his head back on the pillow and sprawling out on the remainder of Kendall's bed. Kendall chuckled before he moved to play something, not even caring that Logan was there with him. Logan was the only person Kendall had ever voluntarily played for. He felt comfortable around Logan, and as he practised what Logan's dad had been teaching him. He sang along the words he had written so far. As he played, he lost himself within the music, something which he had found to be easy ever since he had learnt to play as a young child. He swayed from side to side as he played, his eyes closed in complete serenity. He loved it. He would always love it. And when he finished, he looked over to Logan who smiled up at him brightly.

"That was beautiful," Logan said. And in reply Kendall could only say one it.

" Yeah, it was."

…

Logan found himself walking over the Knight's house, feeling rather sad and a little annoyed. Kendall had been at another of his session s earlier t hat day with the prosthetis t but they had all so far been scheduled around the time of his work, so he hadn't been able to be there for Kendall. It saddened him, because although Kendall had the support of his family, he didn't really accept that support. So if Logan was being honest with himself, he was all Kendall really had. And so Kendall had been to these sessions all alone; going through this all alone. And he just wished he could've been there.

He knocked on the door before entering, as always.

"Kendall? Mrs Knight?" Logan called out.

"In the living room," he heard Kendall call back, so he made his way towards the living room.

"So, how was today's session? Did you manage to- " when Logan looked up he saw something which he didn't quite believe at first. There Kendall was, standing in front of him. Sure Kendall had a walker like an old man might, but Kendall was standing on his on his good leg along with his prosthethis. Kendall was actually standing. Logan stood there amazed, his eyes wide open with a huge smile on his face.

Kendall was smiling too as he moved his walker forward and took the first step that Logan had seen.

"Oh, Kendall." Logan's grin stretched from ear to ear as Kendall walked forward until he was standing right in front of Logan.

"I can walk, Logan." There were tears in the corners of Kendall's eyes as he spoke. "I can walk." If Kendall hadn't been so unstable, his hand gripping his walker, Logan would've thrown his arms around Kendall's neck and held him tightly.

"Can you please sit down so I can hug you?" Logan said, so Kendall turned around and moved over to the couch. Once Kendall was sitting, Logan all but thr ew his walker out of the way as he wrapped his arms around Kendall so tightly it was as if a n anaconda was restricting Kendall's air flow.

"All right, all right, calm down," Kendall laughed as Logan pulled back with a sheepish grin on his face.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy for you. I mean, look at how far you've come, Kendall. You're going to walk again."

"Yeah, I am. I have to keep practising, though, and working on my strength so that I can get full mobility back without having to use a walker, but my outlook is good."

"Yes it is." Kendall and Logan's heads snapped up to see Mrs. Knight standing in the door way. "When I talked with Miss Wainwright, she said that it may take some time, but you're on your way there, sweetheart." Logan waited for Kendall's reaction, wondering if perhaps this good news would hopefully bring out something inside Kendall that could help him to forget his vendetta against his mother.

But the blond simply replied with a solemn, "Yeah."

A brief flash of dejection showed over Mrs. Knight's face, but it was immediately replaced by a teary-eyed beam.

"Well, I've organized for a bit of a celebration for your progress. I'm having a dinner with all your favourites. I've invited Carlos and asked him to talk to a few of your other friends on the team, and, Logan, of course you'r e invited. I thought this was definitely something to celebrate."

"I guess," Kendall replied. Silence.

"Well, better start preparing for dinner then." Mrs . Knight left without another word.

When Kendall turned around to look at Logan the first thing he said was, "Don't look at me like that."

"After everything you've been through, after how far you've come, you're still not going to forgive her?" It seemed Logan's words actually made an impact, Kendall appearing as though he took in everything Logan was saying.

"Anyway, this dinner should be, fun right." Logan tried to lighten the conversation topic. Kendall didn't look so sure though.

"Yeah, maybe," was all that was said in reply.

…

Logan stayed at the Knight's house for the rest of the day, watching movies with Kendall. It was fun just hanging out with the blond. And then the time for dinner rolled around. The two men had been able to smell the amazing dishes Mrs. Knight had been preparing all morning, each one.

When the door bell rang , they heard Mr s. Knight pull the door back and greet Carlos at the door. But Kendall scowled angrily from where he was sitting when he heard his mother also say hello to someone named Stephanie.

"Who's Stephanie?" Logan asked.

"Carlos' bitch of a wife," Kendall muttered sourly in return. He pulled himself up using his walker and began to make his way to the door. That was when Logan remembered Kendall talking about Stephanie and how he didn't like her. He had some ideas in mind as to why this was, but the logical reason-which he figured to be true- was that Stephanie really just wasn't a very nice person. But then again Logan had never known Kendall to be a logical person.

Kendall was halfway across the living room when Logan stood up and followed suit. The two met Carlos and Stephanie in the kitchen, and the first thing Logan thought was that Stephanie looked like a lovely person. She was gorgeous, a simply sweet sort of sense around her. When Kendall walked through the awning into the kitchen, she immediately smiled and walked over to him, greeting him with a sort of enthusiasm that could not be described as fake in any way, shape or form.

"How are you, Kendall? It's just great to see you up and standing again. I can tell you that Carlos and I were both so worried when we heard about your accident, and we're just so happy that you seem to be recovering."

Logan was getting no bad vibes from her, and he couldn't fathom as to why Kendall could hate her so much. Of course, there was the one reason that was nagging him in the back of his mind, but he could only laugh at the mere thought of it. Kendall didn't look at Carlos the same way Logan looked at James. Logan had imagined that look, for it in no way could be true.

"So, man, you're walking again. Good to hear," Carlos chipped in after Kendall rudely dismissed Stephanie's gesture of kindness.

"Yeah, I guess. It's still never going to be the same again, but at least I'm on the mend," Kendall said shrugging.

"Come on," Logan piped in, grabbing onto Kendall's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "You're walking again. You should be happy. And you're better than on the mend," Logan smiled. When Kendall smiled back, Logan bit down on his bottom lip, feeling a flush make it way up to his cheeks. He didn't understand why, but when he looked away he saw Stephanie looking between him and Kendall with a strange expression upon her face. He raised her eye-brows at her, and she merely smiled back with kind eyes.

The four found themselves at the dinner table, Mrs. Knight in the kitchen still preparing dinner. Katie was meant to be t here , according to Mrs. Knight, who seemed reluctant to discuss her daughter at all.

"So Logan, how do you know Kendall?" Stephanie asked.

"Well, I know his mother. We go to the same Church."

"Wow, really. That's…interesting."

"Why would you say that?"

Logan couldn't understand why she would say something like that, for it didn't particularly seem interesting to him. But before Stephanie could answer, Katie walked into the room with a man behind her. It wasn't just any man, however. It was James.

"J-James, what're you- " Then it all clicked. Katie was seventeen. And she was the one James was dating.

"Who the hell is this Katie?" Logan knew that Kendall was uncomfortable around those he didn't know, but the angry tone in his voice suggested there was more to it this time than the simple fact that he was uncomfortable.

"Relax big brother. This is James. My boyfriend." Logan turned to Kendall, only to see that his eyes were almost bulging out of his head.

"K-Kendall I- I -"

"No, you can't have a boyfriend. I mean how old is this dude?" Kendall gestured to James.

"Kendall, he's my boyfriend and it doesn't matter if he's a little older than me-"

"A little? He looks like he's my age-"

"And he's my boyfriend, so instead of making this a big deal, let's just have a nice dinner."

Logan hadn't particularly had much to do with Katie, but he could almost immediately tell she had the exact same demeanour as Kendall. He knew the two most likely clashed as a brother and sister when they were younger, but with the way Kendall was acting so overly protective, he could also tell they would go to the end of the world and back for one another.

"And dinner is ready," Mrs. Knight spoke up, before she noticed James and Katie standing.

"Oh, hey, Katie, dear. This must be James, correct?" Mrs. Knight held out a hand for James, who clearly felt uncomfortable under Kendall's deadly stare.

"Ah, yes, it's nice to meet you, Mrs. Knight." James shook Mrs Knight's hand before making eye contact with Logan, giving him a nervous stare. Logan only hoped that things wouldn't get too out of hand, considering the way Kendall was acting not only towards James, but towards Stephanie too . Under the table, Logan reached out and gave Kendall 's thigh a quick squeeze before making eye contact and giving him a-what he hoped to be- a calming stare. He only hoped that Kendall understood, and would simply relax and enjoy the night.

…

As it turned out, no one else could make it that night. No one was sure as to why this was, Carlos saying that a lot of them already had plans. But most people around the dinner table figured they were all to scared or afraid to show up, but no one really mentioned anything of these people.

"So, James, how come you didn't tell me you were dating Katie Knight." Logan tried to start a conversation as they all piled their plates mountain high with delicious food. It had already been established that James and Logan were friends, much to Kendall's disappointment. Kendall didn't like the guy, and for good reasons too . Katie was too young to be having boyfriends, especially ones like this guy. He was superficial and arrogant and good looking, but the fact was that he knew he was good looking.

Kendall didn't like him one bit.

"I knew she was Katie Knight, but she didn't mention Kendall was her brother. And I mean ' Knight' is a common last name. But it's totally cool that you're her brother." James turned to speak directly to Kendall. "I mean, I love hockey and you were such an amazing player-"

"Do you think it's appropriate to bring that up, knowing that I can't walk and will never be able to play again?" James' eyes widened, for it was clear he was trying to make a good impression on Kendall, and sadly failing badly.

"Kendall, cut the crap," Katie scoffed. "Don't listen to him James. He's just being an ass."

"Language at the dinner table, please," Mrs. Knight said calmly, although the authority in her voice was very clear. Logan knew th e dinner was going very badly, however, and he needed to get Kendall on his own to talk him down from the war path.

"Kendall, can I speak to you in the kitchen please?" Logan asked nicely.

"Nope, I'm fine right here. So, James, what do you do for a living?"

"I, well, I work in retail, but I am-"

"Retail? How are you plan to support my sister on a retail salary."

"Kendall," Katie hissed. "We've been dating for a few weeks. It's not as if we're getting married and planning to spend our lives together."

"I just think that these things should come into a man's mind when they decide to get into a relationship-"

"So the moment you went into your relationship, the first thing you thought was, _hey do I make enough money to keep this girl happy ?"_

"I didn't need to think of that. I was one of the highest paid players in the NHL. But retail? Really?"

"I-It's a side job to help pay for college. I'm studying to be a teacher."

"Well, as they say, _those who can't do, teach, _ right?" Kendall smirked, and Logan was beginning to become quite annoyed with the blond. Who was he to be judging James?

"Kendall. Kitchen. Now," Logan replied sternly, his lips shut together in a tight line.

"Really, I'm fine where I am."

"You know, maybe we should save this conversation for a different time," Stephanie tried, only ending up with having Kendall glare at her. Kendall really didn't like her, and Logan still couldn't fathom as to why.

After Stephanie's words everything went silent around the dinner table. The only thing that could be heard over the deafening stillness was the sound of knives and forks hitting the dinner plates.

"Well, Stephanie and I have some good news if anyone wants to hear it," Carlos spoke up.

"Of course, honey. Go ahead," Mrs. Knight replied kindly.

"Well, Stephanie and I…" Carlos paused as he reached over to touch Stephanie's belly, "are going to have a baby." Everyone around the table either spoke of their congratulations or reached over and hugged both Carlos and Stephanie. But when Logan looked to Kendall, it was obvious he was feeling something very different to what everyone else was feeling.

"Kendall, maybe we should go to the kitchen to talk in private." Kendall shook his head, his eyes straight forward and not on the happy couple.

"Aren't you happy for me, bud?" Kendall finally tore his eyes away from the wall in front of him to look at Carlos, who had a gigantic grin plastered across his face.

"Oh yeah, so happy," Kendall replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I mean I thought this night was about celebrating me, not you and your pregnant wife."

"Well, yeah, but I thought it might break the tension."

"Well, it didn't."

Kendall stood up using his walker, and began to move towards the kitchen. Logan knew Kendall wanted him to follow. He stood up, politely excusing himself before making his way to the kitchen. Kendall was standing, leaning against the counter, but he actually looked to be in a lot of pain.

"Oh golly, Kendall, is everything all right?" Logan quickly rushed to his aid, wondering if the prosthetic might be causing him some discomfort.

"I'm fine it's-" Kendall hissed as he attempted to move, Logan quickly grabbing him as he almost fell over from moving awkwardly.

"You're not fine. Are you sore? Is it phantom limb-"

"Logan. It's just some discomfort. It's normal, now leave me alone. I didn't come in here so we could talk. I just didn't want to be in there with them."

"And why would that be?" Logan pulled back, leaning against the counter next to Kendall.

"None of your damn business," Kendall snapped. They stood in silence for a while, Logan desperately wanting Kendall to talk to him. This time, though, he knew Kendall needed to come to him. He couldn't force his way into this one.

"You know, she's so stupid," Kendall said bitterly. "I mean, she's not even pretty. And I'm pretty sure one of her boobs is bigger than the other."

Logan laughed because Kendall was being utterly ridiculous. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't call Stephanie ugly. She was beautiful.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I just don't know why you dislike her so much. She's really nice and lovely-"

"You're meant to be on my side-"

"Since when?"

"Since you've always been on my side, and because I hate her, you hate her. All right?"

"I can't just hate her for any reason. If you can give me one, then I'll think about it, but I still probably won't. I don't like hating people."

"The reason is that you're on my side. So be on my side."

Logan and Kendall stared at each other for a few moments, only being interrupted by Stephanie walking into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry. I just thought I'd bring up the dishes." She held up the load of dishes in her hands before moving to place them on the counter. Kendall just rolled his eyes upon Stephanie's entrance, moving to walk out of the kitchen. As he moved, however, he must've put too much weight on his prosthetic, because one moment he was up and standing where the next he was on the ground with a huge thud. Logan had learnt about weight distribution between the leg and the prosthetic when he was talking with Kendall's prosthetist.

"Oh, Kendall." Logan was immediately by his side. Logan thought Kendall might be embarrassed by this and was prepared for a reaction of anger, but instead Kendall lay there laughing. Logan was not prepared at all for reaction, wondering what he should do now. Stephanie was just standing back, leaning against the counter watching.

"Kendall? Are you all right?"

"I-I'm fine," Kendall stuttered as he ceased laughing. "I just-I just fell because I forgot that I didn't have a leg. I put all my weight on my prosthetic because I forgot it wasn't real. I mean, who does that?" Kendall chuckled. Logan smiled, glad with the fact that Kendall was taking this lightly and in his stride.

"Help me up, please." Logan leaned forward, pulling Kendall up. Kendall regained his balance with Logan's help, thanking him as he did so. After, they simply stared at one another, neither knowing why they couldn't simply break away and shrug off what happened. Kendall finally leaned forward, and whispered to Logan, "Thank you."

It was the politest Kendall had ever been to him, and it was all he could do not to smile. Kendall was able to make his way out of the kitchen without another hiccup, Logan left there not even remembering that Stephanie was still in the room.

"I know he hates me you know, and I know it's because he likes Carlos."

That was the last thing Logan had been expecting.

"I-I don't know w-what you-what you're-"

"He likes Carlos. Or liked Carlos. I'm not really sure what's going on, but you're in the picture now. And I don't know if you've talked about your feelings for each other or-"

"Wait, what?I don't have feelings for Kendall. I'm not gay," Logan spoke hurriedly, not sure where Stephanie was getting this from.

"Look, it's fine if you're like Kendall. In the closet and pretending your feelings don't exist. But don't try and lie to me. My family has, like, a special gift where we can tell when someone is gay. It's, like, literally amazing, I know. And trust me, I don't judge. But Carlos isn't gay. He doesn't feel like Kendall does, but I think the both of you do like each other, and maybe if you were to talk about it with each other-"

"I-I'm not gay and I don't want to. I don't. I just…" Logan simply shook his head and left the kitchen utterly bewildered that Stephanie could think that he and Kendall could have any kinds of feeling for one another. He went back to the kitchen table, expecting to see Kendall there, but instead finding his seat empty.

"Where is Kendall?" Logan asked.

"He went to his room," Mrs. Knight replied, going back to having a conversation with James. Logan was happy they seemed to be getting along . He patted James on the back before leaving to go to find Kendall, and that was when he realised the whole night, he hadn't found himself caring James was here with Katie. He had noticed they had held hands for most of the night, they had shared longing gazes, they had even shared a slight kiss or two, and Logan hadn't once become jealous. He had barely even noticed that he hadn't felt such things, until this very moment.

Was it because he actually did have feelings for Kendall? No, that was impossible. He shook his head, trying to get Stephanie's words out of his mind, but no matter how hard he tried it was as if what she said was on a radio that kept re-running repeatedly through his head.

He found himself outside Kendall's door, and once more he knocked before entering. Kendall was on his bed, his leg removed and lying beside him. He was crying, though, and Logan immediately ran to sit beside him and pull him into a side hug.

"Is it because of the fall because it's okay. It was just a little fall; you'll be fine."

"I don't even know why I'm crying," Kendall hiccupped through his sentence, tears staining Logan's jacket.

"Whatever the reason, it's fine, all right?"

Logan eventually got Kendall to calm down, the two once more lying together sprawled out over Kendall's bed.

"I think I know why you hate Stephanie." Logan just needed it cleared up, and he couldn't go another moment without it being so.

"No you don't."

"It's because of Carlos," Logan blurted out. "It's because you like him, and she stole him away from you."

"What do you mean by I like him?"

"You know what I mean."

Kendall was all of a sudden sitting up, staring down at Logan with a look of disgust.

"I'm not a fag if that's what you're saying," Kendall spoke with such repugnance that it actually hurt Logan to hear it.

"Kendall, it's okay if you are-"

"What the hell don't you understand about what I just said? I'm not a fag. What on earth would bring you to this conclusion anyway?"

"Stephanie told me."

"She what?" Kendall seemed generally taken aback by this.

"She…She said that she knew you had feelings for Carlos, and that's why you hated her." Logan paused but continued a few moments afterwards. "But she thought maybe that, you might, you might like me."

Kendall face paled, all colour draining from his face.

"I-I don't…" Kendall trailed off, an awkward silence settling between them. Logan needed to know. He couldn't not know, couldn't bear the thought of not knowing.

"Do you like me?"

"No," Kendall said sternly, refusing to look at Logan. "I told you I'm not a fag!"

Silence.

"Why? Do you like me?"

"No, I'm not gay either." Logan tried to speak with confidence, wondering if Kendall could see right through him like Stephanie could. They both lay back at the same time, each of them wondering exactly how to react to the conversation that had just happened.

Kendall turned to Logan, Logan turning at the exact same time so their faces were centimetres away.

"I'm not a fag," Kendall whispered lightly, so close to Logan he could feel Kendall's breath against his cheeks and flutter of his eye-lashes against his skin.

"I'm not either." Yet neither of them could look away. _What was happening ?_ Logan asked himself. He couldn't possibly have feelings for Kendall. He couldn't, he just couldn't. Yet he was leaning in. He could feel himself moving forward without knowing if he wanted to or not. And then their lips touched, and he felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach drop to the floor. He was kissing a guy, and that guy was Kendall Knight. How could this be happening?

W hen Logan pulled back, Kendall had already turned around to face away from him. And all he could do was lie there and wonder what it all meant, and where it was going to lead to next.


	9. Chapter 9

**This story was written as part of my participation in the Big Time Bang: **

**I would like to thank all of those who have helped me. This includes my lovely and utterly amazing beta Jenn who I cannot thank enough, and my very talented artist Elizabeth. They have both been incredible in more ways than one and this fic would never have been completed without them.**

**I hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a comment, or fav and alert. **

* * *

The kiss wasn't mentioned again. A week went past and Kendall was almost ready to start walking without using his walker. His sessions with the prosthesis were going well, and he was now starting therapy to help him with all of the changes he was going through. The strange thing was that nothing was awkward with them. Even though they had kissed and spent that entire night sleeping in the same bed- albeit with a huge gap between them - it was as if nothing had happened.

They were still friends, still hanging out together every chance they got. It was like nothing had changed between the two.

Kendall's lessons were also going well with Mr. Mitchell. He was now playing full songs, which he had written, whilst he would sing along with them. Logan couldn't be more proud of the blond and how far he had come.

The two were hanging out one night when Logan decided to bring something up to Kendall, to which he wasn't sure which sort of reaction he would get.

"Kendall?" The two were messing around in Kendall's room, Logan lying on Kendall's bed listening to Kendall fiddle with his guitar.

"Yeah?" Kendall looked up from his guitar to see Logan looked a little nervous. "Is everything all right?"

"Of course. It's just...you know what? Never mind ." Logan shrugged it off, deciding he wasn't ready to ask what he had planned to. They continued to do what they were doing, when Mrs. Knight entered the room.

"So, I have ironed your suit and I'll just hang it up on the back of your door. I'm so glad you're going to be doing this Kendall." Logan wondered what Mrs. Knight was talking about, but he didn't get the chance to ask because he was left flabbergasted when Kendall smiled and replied with a,

" Thank you." When Mrs. Knight left, Logan sat up immediately and turned to

"And what was that? Since when are you being nice to your mum?"

"Shut up," Kendall chortled. "I don't know." Kendall frowned before he put his guitar down, resting it against the bed. He moved to l ie next to Logan, not looking anywhere but up towards the ceiling.

"The other day, it just sort of came to me. My mother is really trying and maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on her." Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He didn't understand why this sudden change in demeanour had happened, but Logan was just glad that it had happened. Mrs. Knight hadn't deserved the treatment Kendall had given her, and Logan was so happy Kendall had finally decided this too .

"So what's the suit for?"

"Well, my mum, when I was younger, was always begging Katie and I to go to her stupid church functions, and so I asked if there were any of those coming up, and she said there was some sort of family function so we're all going to that together."

Logan could not believe what he was hearing. He didn't know where this had come from. But he was happy nonetheless.

"Is it the family activities night this Friday night that you're going to?"

"Sure is. My mum thought it would be a good idea because it's a karaoke night. It's not as if I'm going to get up there or anything, but it could be fun to watch, you know?" Logan nodded with a smile, so happy that the Knight family were coming together, which had been his objective from the start. Maybe everything was going to end up all right in the end.

…

Kendall showed up with his mother and Katie to the karaoke night at his mother's church. He knew why he was doing this. It was because of Logan. Logan had given him something that he had never thought possible. That he had never believed in. And it was because of Logan that he could walk into this family activities night without fear people would judge him or look at him like he wasn't a person with feelings. Everything good had happened to him because of Logan.

When he walked through the door with his walker, he was surprised to see so many people there, so many families with such happy faces. There was a stage for the people who wished to do karaoke. There were already a few people on stage, who were singing at the top of their lungs, a little of tune, but altogether not too bad.

"Kendall, over here!" Kendall looked up to see Logan, dressed up in formal wear much like his own, waving his hands in gesture for him to come and join Logan, his father and his mother. James was also there, even though as far as Kendall was aware James was no t a religious man.

"Let's go and join Logan's family , " Mrs. Knight said. Tables were set up, with one long table to the side of the room with plates of snacks to eat. People were in the middle, dancing around to what was being sung-everyone just having an all-round good time.

Kendall walked over and sat next to Logan, watching as Logan's face lit up upon his arrival. It was something that he had noticed ever since _the incident _as he liked to call it. He didn't like to remember the kiss, mostly because he couldn't bear to consider what his feelings really were. He couldn't think about it, yet somehow he was managing to still be around Logan without these feelings becoming too overwhelming. Perhaps because he was burying his feeling so deep they were locked inside a cage in his mind, the key having been thrown away the moment these feelings had become known.

"Hey, Kendall, I'm so glad you could make," Logan spoke first, pulling the blond into a hug. Kendall came away with a pink tinge on both his cheeks, willing the flush on his face to go away.

"Yes, hello, Kendall." Mr. Mitchell held out his hand (the right one this time) which Kendall shook. Introductions went around, Kendall being introduced to Mrs. Mitchell, and the Mitchell family were introduced to Katie and Mrs. Knight.

The two families took their seats around the table, discussions about how everyone's week had been coming to life. Kendall, though, could only notice how Logan was looking at h im out of the corners of his eyes, as if he was checking Kendall out. Kendall shook his head, deciding he needed some air. Even though he thought he would be ready to face a mass group of people, the way people still looked at him caused his chest to constrict, and the way Logan was looking at him wasn't helping.

"I need some air," Kendall breathed instead of spoke, quickly standing and using his walker to go outside. Everything around him felt like it was closing in, like he was stuck in the trunk of a car. He just needed to be away from everyone, but mostly Logan. Logan was the one who was causing this, and he couldn't be near him right now, especially with the vulnerable state he was in.

He made his way to be outside where he ditched the walker and fell back against the wall. He let out a long and deep breath, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. He was feeling discomfort with his prosthetic as well, which wasn't helping the situation.

"Is everything okay?" Kendall's head snapped up to see Logan standing before him, to which all he could do was let out a groan of annoyance.

"Just leave me alone, all right?"

"Kendall." instead of leaving as Kendall had asked, Logan moved to sit next to him on the ground.

"Ugh! Why are you here? Can't you see I just want to be alon e ?!" Kendall didn't mean to shout, but he couldn't deal with Logan being there at the moment. He was under enough stress as it was.

"Kendall, please, you can talk to me. You know that, right." T hen Logan stretched his hand out, taking Kendall's in his own. Kendall's whole body stiffened the moment their skin came into contact, and immediately he wrenched his hand away.

"Look, I can't deal with this right now, Logan!"

"Can't deal with what?"

"With you! With this! Look, we've been avoiding having this conversation, but I can't avoid it any longer! We kissed, and I think it meant more to you than it did to me, all right? It didn't mean anything to me. Like, nothing at all, because I'm not a gay, and I'm not into you, and I'm just not…I can't deal with-with whatever this is."

"Kendall I-"

Kendall interrupted Logan to say something, but his voice was so low that Logan couldn't hear him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Logan replied.

"Nothing, just leave me alone."

This time Kendall stood up and grabbed his walker, storming off in the best fashion he could. Logan was left on the ground, utterly bewildered, wondering what just happened between the two of them.

...

Logan found Kendall back inside at the table with both of their families, but the way his back was as ridged as an ironing board, Logan could tell this was the last place that Kendall wanted to be. Logan took his seat, trying to make some form of contact with Kendall to get a general idea of how he was feeling, but there was nothing. Kendall was pretending that Logan didn't exist, acting like he was as transparent as a ghost.

"Daniel, why don't you go up and sing something?" Mrs. Mitchell said, pushing her husband up and out of his seat. "It's about time someone got up and showed them how it was done."

"If you want someone to show everyone how it is done, I suggest Kendall get up and sing something. They have a guitar up there as well. They have a few instruments, just in case someone wanted to do a bit of an impromptu song." Kendall would have rather died than gone up on stage, but everyone was already egging him on, his mother and Katie's f ace s lighting up at the thought of Kendall playing something. And then there was Logan, who was smiling so brightly, all but dragging him up onto the stage.

He didn't want to. It was last thing on earth he felt like doing. But he found himself up on stage, everyone staring at him. It was just what he had hoped to avoid.

But then something inside him clicked. He loved music. He loved to play the guitar and sing, and why had he been denying himself this for most of his life? He knew why. Hockey. No matter how much he loved the sport, he was now beginning to realise the negative effect it had on him. He had deprived himself of his love for music because he was afraid of what his team mates would think of him. It had caused a rift between his mother, sister and him, almost tearing his family apart. And no matter where he locked his feelings, he couldn't deny that he had had an attraction to Carlos and to men in general, but he had to keep what he felt to himself. Because what might people think of him, if the great hockey player came out as...gay? The word still left a foul taste in his mouth, but that was what he was. And he had never had the chance to deal with it, because of hockey. He loved the sport. He loved what the game had given him. But was it worth what it had taken away?

He found himself not focussing on the people whose eyes were boring holes into his head, or those who were whispering behind their hands like he wouldn't notice. But he was focussing on Logan, the man who had helped him through everything, and who had ultimately changed his life. He looked deeply into the brunettes chocolaty eyes, loving the way his smile turned his whole face into what he deemed a beautiful piece of artwork. Where did he fit into all of this?

He found himself bringing the guitar up onto his leg, balancing as he had been practising, putting his fingers into position to use the techniques on 'hammer on' and 'pull off.'

"I'm going to sing an original song. I know that this is karaoke and all, but I really need to get this off my chest. This one goes out to the person who changed my life. Thank you." He made sure to speak clearly into the microphone, making sure to use precise wording so people didn't realise exactly what he was trying to say. And all the while, he stared at Logan, hoping the man in the crowd got the message.

He began to play, singing as he did so:

"_It's like one for the haters, and two for all of those,_

_Who try to shut us down they don't really know,_

_There ain't nothing they can do to tear us apart."_

At the time he had written this song, he had acted as if he didn't know where the inspiration had come from. But there was no denying it anymore as he stared into the face of w ho had inspired him.

"_Forget about our problems__, __forget about our past,_

_I've seen the future__and I know it 's gonna last,_

_Every second I'm with you just go es so fast."_

He was letting it all out, and the emotion was coming with it as he sang the last line of the song:

"_And nothing even matters."_

He didn't want to stay to hear the applause or what people had to stay. He was going to go and wait out in the car because he couldn't stay here any longer. He just needed to get out of t here , so he could have some time alone, some time alone to process what on earth had just happened.

...

"Oh, my baby, I wonder if he's all right. I need to go and check on him." Logan listened as Mrs. Knight fussed over Kendall having left without a second look back. But he wasn't particularly processing what the woman was saying, for his emotions were getting the better of him. That song had held so much passion, so much love, and Logan had not been able to look away from Kendall the entire time he had been singing.

"I think Logan should go and check on him, Jennifer." Suddenly, Logan was feeling a push on his shoulder as he turned to look at his dad. Mr. Mitchell gently continued to push him forward.

"Go, son, hurry up now." Logan gave a confused look to his Dad who for some reason looked rather smug at that moment. But he didn't think twice as he stood and went out after Kendall.

"Why did you want Logan to go sweetheart?" Mrs. Mitchell asked.

"Because, who are we to get in the way of true love ." Everyone at the table took their time to process Mr. Mitchell's words, as the knowing man simply watched his son walk off in hopes that his son-and what he expected to be his future son-in-law-would work things out.

...

"Kendall!" Logan called out. He made his way outside to see Kendall leaning against his mother's car.

"Kendall, is everything all right?" Logan asked as he made his way over to lean next to Kendall. Logan thought he might get verbally attacked again, but Kendall just turned and smiled.

"Sure, I just really want to go home."

"Oh," Logan said in return. The two stood together in silence, waiting for the inevitable conversation that needed to be discussed.

"Did you have any idea what my silver lining might be?" Kendall asked.

"Huh?"

"When you first spoke to me. You said that God didn't do things to people without a good reason, and you also said that there was always a silver lining. Did you know what it was?"

"No, I had no idea. Why do you ask?"

"I just - well, I finally figured out what my silver lining was. It was you." The words left Kendall's mouth, hanging in the air which thick with tension .

"I don't understand. How can I be your silver lining?"

"Well, without the accident, I would have never met you. I would have never gotten to know you. And without you, I would've never started to sing and play the guitar again. I would've never even tried to fix the problems between my mother and me. And I would've missed out on the chance to meet this amazing guy."

Kendall felt happy that he had made Logan blush with his words, the pink tinge even obvious under the darkening skies.

"You never know. We might've met under different circumstances."

"We wouldn't have. I was always away with the team, and when I wasn't, I never visited my mum. And if we somehow had managed to run into one another, I would've ignored you. Because to be honest, before the accident, I would have never noticed you. So without the accident, I would've never met you, and you have changed my life. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't met you."

Logan gave Kendall a friendly nudge with a small and nervous chuckle. Kendall did the same in return.

"So just so you know, you're kind of a genius," Kendall continued. "I mean, if I had just listened to you in the first place about God doing this to me for a reason, and silver linings and all that crap." Logan snorted at Kendall, the use of the word 'crap' slightly ruining how sweet these words were. "Hey, shut up, I'm trying here."

"Keep trying then," Logan replied, smiling in wait.

"Well, we just would've gotten here a hell of a lot quicker."

"Gotten where exactly?"

"Gotten here," Kendall said, before he leaned over and sweetly brought his lips to Logan's own. The kiss was short, simple and undoubtedly pleasant, Logan's body melting into Kendall's. When the two pulled back, Logan only just managed to gather himself as he let out a sigh of satisfaction.

"I like you, and I would never had been able to admit it without the accident. I like you, Logan Mitchell. You're like an angel sent from H eaven , and without you I would've never become the person I am today. I owe you my life, Logan. You know that, right?"

"Well, now, you can spend the rest your life making it up to me."

" Deal ." Kendall bit down on his lip, moving in for one more kiss, pulling back only to rest his forehead against the beautiful boy beside him.

"I-I'm not sure if I can tell anyone yet though. T-Thing's are complicated-"

"Logan, it's fine. I'm not sure I want to tell anyone just yet either. Let's just take things one step at a time."

"Agreed."

And they sealed what had been a long journey full of happiness, anger, sadness and glee with a kiss, ready to move into what they hoped would be a bright and heavenly future together.

Kendall and his silver lining.


End file.
